Thursday, April 19, 2012

Guess what sucks? Yes, you guessed it right! LONELINESS SUCKS!

I have never ever felt so lonely in my life before. I am not alone. I am lonely. There's a difference between alone and lonely. I am surrounded by friends, but why is it that I am still feeling lonely? Like I said, maybe I am not used to being single yet. I've been feeling down since the past few days. I mean, right after our little trip to Penang, I've been feeling this way. Maybe I just don't wanna be alone. Nobody to text with anymore, nobody to talk on the phone to anymore, nobody. :( Yes, of course I have my girlfriends who are loyal to me, who will always be beside me, who will always try to cheer me up whenever I am feeling down, but you know that is not what I am talking about, right? Sigh. When will I ever get used to this feeling??? Am I ever gonna get over this??? Urgh. I wonder, how did Faezah live before she "met" Baen? How does Siti live? But their stories are different from mine. Faezah had never had any relationship before, I mean an official one, as far as I'm concerned. And Siti too has never had any boyfriend. Meaning that they are used to being alone, by themselves, with nobody to text with 24/7 or talk on the phone to for long hours. As for me, I just recently became single (again). Gosh, how horrible this feels like. I used to have someone to take me to lunch/dinner/late supper, I used to have someone to talk to on Facebook, on the phone, at a restaurant, mamak, on the roadside, anywhere, I used to have someone to take me to late night movies, or just having a ride around town on the motorcycle, I used to have someone who will always remind me that I am being missed, I used to have someone who will randomly tell me that everything about me is cute and adorable, I used to have someone who will pinch me on the cheeks and tell me how chubby my fingers are, I used to have someone who always tells me how he loves to look at me while I'm eating, I used to have someone who wishes me "Good night". Now, all that is gone. Tell me how am I ever going to get used to not having that someone in my life anymore? Maybe I will, but it's going to take a long long time. It's going  to take years of tears. People will look at me and say, "Ah, you're alright. There's nothing to it. You'll be fine, you're strong, you're not gonna cry for a man like that are you?, He's not worth your tears." But do they really understand how I feel inside? Or maybe, I was the one who kept telling myself those things, those lies. I can only act strong up to a point. As cliche as it may sound, this loneliness is killing me okay. I don't know how am I going to be able to act tough and put up with this any longer. This sucks. This sucks this sucks this sucks this sucks!!!

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