Sunday, June 15, 2014

Randomly Ranting

It's 9.13 PM. I just finished another can of the Verve energy drink my Aunt Tipah brought. Maybe I shouldn't have. I'm at my granma's. I was home alone the whole day. My Aunt Inah and her husband arrived at Maghrib. My Aunt Tipah, Ucu and their kids have flown back to KL yesterday. I went back to Sipitang with my Aunt Tam after sending them to the airport. Finally, some peace and quiet in this house. I did write that I hate feeling lonely especially in this house before, but... I've had enough of my nuisance cousins. So, yeah, I'm glad they're gone. Fuh. I don't really have anything to write, but I feel like writing. I know I'd better use the time I have to continue translating E***a's thesis abstract, but..... I simply don't feel like doing that. She asked me to e-mail it back to her by the beginning of this week, but I dunno, I just don't feel the sense of urgency to do it. Actually, I have done the translation for the same abstract like I dunno, so long ago, and E***a mentioned it too. But she said she lost it and that there are some changes anyway. Urgh. Why did I agree to it? It's actually not much, just a few paragraphs, but I dunno, I guess I'm just lazy. Really? If I'm really lazy then why the heck am I doing what I am doing right now? Why am I not in bed? Maybe I'm just being a bad friend. Or maybe I'm just sick of having people expecting or wanting something from me. Whenever someone texts me it's because they want something from me. Money. Time. Energy. I didn't mean to "mengungkit", but I'm just a human being with limited resources even for myself. Is it a sin for me to feel sick and tired of it all?

To add to that, J*n recently assigned me another DARS task. So I have 2 DARSes and 1 WARS to write now. Both DARSes have the same deadline. Stupid, I know. But I agreed to it. I don't know why. B*********y people have always sucked at delegating tasks anyway. So perhaps, I'm used to it. So far, I'm doing pretty good. A*qa even told me that my writing is good and that they hope I could be promoted as a SMRA soon. How do I feel about it? Honestly, I think it's great! I'm fine with the writing tasks because it makes me feel like I could be counted on, dependable, able. It somehow boosts my confidence and whenever I produced a good report I felt good, satisfied. At least I know that my team is happy with what I'm doing. Plus, I'm sick of ticket clearing. A*na, however, was concerned if they're just taking advantage of me because I never said no. Whenever people ask for my help, I will always say yes. Most of the time, not because I really want to or like to do it, but  because nobody else could. I really need to learn how to say no. No, that doesn't sound right. I really need to practice saying NO once in a while. Yes, that sounds more accurate.

Do I sound like I'm contradicting myself? Or confused? I meant to rant and complain about my work and people, but it ended up very differently. Whatever. Now I better end this entry, finish my laundry and go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be another busy Monday (I will be fasting tomorrow. Puasa ganti) and Tuesday will be my JPJ retest. I really hope I'll pass this time. Insha Allah.

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