Sunday, August 09, 2015

Going the distance once again

Dear Pitty,

How are you old friend? Please forgive me for not writing to you for so long. The itch to write to you has been nagging me for quite some time, but I haven't really gotten (or to be exact, given) the chance to do so because I was so busy pretending to be busy. I don't know why I tend not to write about things when they are actually things going on in my life. Okay, let's just cut the crap and get down to the real reason I'm writing this letter to you.

Do you still remember the friend that I told you about? W? The friend whom I knew from my UPM years? The friend who called me at the wee hour of the morning and I refused to pick up? The friend who was married? Yes, that friend. I am in love with him now. Yes, Pitty! That friend whom once upon a time I avoided, whom I treated like s**t, whom I ignored at a time when he needed a friend the most. I am in love with him and he is in love with me.

Apparently, he was divorced since October 2013. He never told me until the time that we met in April this year. He didn't tell me because, obviously, he believed that I didn't care. Well, I don't blame him. I was an asshole. I totally deserved that. He was struggling with depression and I ignored him. What an ass I was. I can never be able to forgive myself for that. I'm so thankful to Allah that he is okay now. But I'm forever regretful that I wasn't part of those people who were there for him when he needed them the most. I can never change that. But he has forgiven me for what I did. He said what I did hurt him deeply, but he forgave me. I am so sorry for what I have done to him. If I was given the chance to turn back time, I would return to that exact moment in his life and just be that friend to him. That friend whom he could always count on, that friend who was always there for a shoulder to cry on. But I can never change the past. What I can definitely do is be that person that I want to be for him. For us. I will try my best to be there for him, to give him my back, to be there when he needs support, to love him, just as he would do for me.

I love him Pitty. I love him so much and I thought I could never love again. Who knew that this could happen to us? Who knew that we were meant to fall for each other? You know Pitty, I never saw this coming. None of us did, I believe. When he told me that he was no longer married, I had a smile in my heart, which was not very nice, I know, but that was how I felt. I smiled in my heart. If you want me to explain it Pitty, I can't. I don't know why I felt that way. And thankfully, he felt the same way. I don't know when was the exact time that all of this started, and how. It was all very spontaneous, so unplanned. And I love it that way. Now, we keep in touch every single day via WhatsApp and phone calls and Facebook. I'm going to see him again next month. 5th of September. And I'm planning to stay longer this time. I want to spend as much time as I can with him before I go back. I haven't even bought my flight ticket back home. I guess I'll always be that girl who'll always end up in a long-distance relationship, which sucks but at the same time feels so good, so right, that I won't let this slip away again.

I hope that you'll be happy for us, Pitty. I hope that this one lasts. Because I have a feeling that this is real. It's going to be hard for us to be together due to certain circumstances, I know. But I won't give up so easily. And I hope he would do the same for me. I love him Pitty. I truly do.

Sincerely yours,
Nurul