For a Friend...

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

So many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something everyday. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! My last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

— Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

One Art

BY ELIZABETH BISHOP

Tidak Sedar Diri

"orang yang tak faham english memang teramat bodoh, geram aku, bukan nak kutuk, reality, lepas tu pandai pulak down orang kata "hg memang hebat english pun" benda boleh belajar tapi ego nak mampuih"

Boooooo!!!! This guy is hilarious and so not cool okay! I was so tempted to say this:

This is ironic. Why? Because, every time you update your status using English, I try really hard not to laugh or leave mean comments, but here you are calling other people who don't understand English "stupid". I'm not looking for a fight or Facebook drama here, I just wanna feel the pleasure of mocking because you kinda deserve it. Damn, it feels good. My point is, don't simply call people stupid. Check yourself in the mirror first. If there's anyone who needs to bring his ego down here, it's you. Happy Saturday! ;)

But I didn't (at least not on Facebook). Not because I didn't have the guts, but because I think people have enough Facebook drama already nowadays. I try to avoid starting one. Haha. Well, niceness is my nature baby although I can be really mean sometimes (depends on the attitude of the person I'm dealing with). However, showing my meanness because of someone yg tidak sedar diri like this is totally not worth it. :-)

Pretty Bad Friday

I had a pretty bad Friday today. I sucked at my job, I didn't eat anything until 9.30pm, I flipped with Ally and said things that I had been keeping inside my system for a very long time but never really meant to say. I pretty much had a sucky day. But it's okay, because I'm gonna have a blast tomorrow!!!! I'm going to JB for KAMI MAHUKAN GRUNGE JANGAN TIPU KAMI !!! - PART KA-DUA. Oh yes I promise myself that I will have fun like nothing else matters tomorrow! I WILL.

However, I'm gonna miss TWO of Zip Zieller's shows... :-( One is tomorrow night at Uniten and another one is on Sunday, Pertandingan Raja Band Kuala Lumpur. I really really really really want to go to both shows but the thing is... I don't know... Maybe it's because I have no one to go with again... In fact, I've already considered not to go to JB and go to Uniten instead, but................. ntahlah. But don't you call me BUKAN ZIPPER TEGAR!!! I AM!!! It's just that I wish I had someone to accompany me. Faezah balik BP and I don't wanna be spending another weekend alone okay!!! Sometimes a loner does need some company too! Hahahaha. Another event that's gonna be held on Sunday is Laguna 10 Anniversary Party at Club Neverland, somewhere in KL. Ada niat mo pegi jugak, sebab ada Damn Dirty Apes, Sevencollar T-shirt, Love Me Butch, Subculture, etc. Band mantap2 ni semua. Tengoklah camana besok. Kalau sempat. Huh... Tapi memang rasa terkilan nie sebab Zip Zieller tu..... It's your choice Nurul, and you chose to go to JB. Macam buduh pulak kan. Tapi ntahlah. :(( Apa2 pun, I'm gonna enjoy myself tomorrow, forget all the unhappy thoughts and just have fun! For the good times! Yeah! :D

Untuk Zip Zieller, aku ucapkan SELAMAT MAJU JAYA, SEMOGA BERJAYA! :D

Sick of Sick Love. Sick of Love. Sick Love. Lovesick.

Been listening to Love Will Tear Us Apart over and over and over and over and over again today. It's actually the song that I listened to the most during the beginning of my acquaintance with Ally. That was like more than a year ago. Now I'm not so sure if I should ever mention his name on my blog again. Not sure if he feels the same way. I don't think so. And I don't wanna know anymore. Because it's gonna hurt me if the answer is NO.

On a funnier note, the drummer of Noisy Crush, a local grunge band from Tawau, Sabah, was playing cupid and tried to match me up with their guitarist. Seriously kid? He's 19 for the sake of God! Hahahaha. But I had a good laugh chatting with them especially Mr. Cupid himself who is 20 years old. Crazy lad. But I had a good laugh. Haha. Oh gosh I really envy their young age. I'm turning 30 in less than 3 years from now. I'm single. Not sure if I'm available. I have no prospect. What happens next? Am I gonna get married with a younger guy at the age of 32 just like Faezah? Or with one of my exes? (No, not Nasik please). Or with someone totally new? Or am I gonna stay a spinster for the rest of my life?

Smitten

He gave me a prank call last night. It feels like forever since I heard his laughter. Auwwwwwwwwwww cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......... I am totally SMITTEN.

Connecting the Dots

It's 3.30am and I'm still up. Can't believe that I spent Hari Raya Haji entirely alone. Gah. It was my own fault. Terlepas pandang tarikh Raya Haji. Zzz... Well, there's always a first time in everything right. It wasn't so bad after all. I guess I don't really mind having to spend time alone nowadays. I'm used to it. And the feeling of not having to rely on other people emotionally and physically, the feeling of enjoying my own company, is just great! I'm so happy that I've reached that phase in my life where I don't mind being a solitary soul, y'know, the phase where I don't even give a damn about my cellphone anymore, about whether or not I cross someone else's mind, about whether or not that person whom I'm having a huge huge huge crush on would text or call. Although, I must admit that I do check my phone occasionally in case he texted or called, but I don't really mind if he didn't. It used to make me feel so down, but I am no longer that girl.

Today, I read a stranger's blog. (Apa juga mo heran kan zaman sekarang ni strangers read about strangers. It happens everyday haha). But this particular stranger is no stranger to the guy whom I'm having the world's biggest crush on. It's crazy y'know, it's crazy how what she wrote years ago could make so much sense to me because it's exactly what's happening to me now, it's exactly the situation I'm in right now. I could relate so much. I don't know if I have anything in common with her, but one thing for sure, we felt (in my case, both felt and feel) the same way for the same guy. The only difference is the time frame. Whereas she was "long-term", I was "short-term". To be exact, I was "never-term" or you could also put it as "almost-term". He's the type of guy who girls fall for y'know, he's the type of guy who girls regret leaving, he's the type of guy who girls remember for the rest of their lives. I am one of those girls.

I found myself reading the old messages sent between me and him on Facebook after reading the stranger's blog. Some of them made me laugh, some of them made me cry. And my heart cringed at seeing his messages where he was telling me that he missed me, but I ignored it totally. Oh gosh, how cruel I was. Urgh, no, I was not cruel, I was stupid! "Nurul, IMY". :'( Now, how I wish I could turn back time to that particular moment and tell him that I missed him just as much, maybe more than he knew, maybe more than I knew. I miss having conversations with him. Conversations about life, about the country, about social issues, about music, about our favourite bands, about books, about our passions, about plans, about problems, about failures, about achievements, about dreams, and especially, about our feelings (towards each other). And I miss his over-the-phone serenades too. Yes, I miss him. I miss him! But I just don't have  the guts to tell him that. And plus, he just broke up with his girlfriend... (Actually, No Joke told me about this on the night after the gig but I didn't believe it until I saw what he wrote in his blog). It really took me by surprise, because I really thought they would end up getting married, y'know. And to be honest? It was the BEST news I've heard in months! I was like, "Yes yes yes yessss!!!!". But... I don't think he wants to jump into a new relationship right now. I wouldn't want that either... I mean, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy who just got out of a relationship, y'know. But... Screw that rule Nurul! Shouldn't he be an exception? I mean, you've waited so long. Do you really want to wait until someone else grabs him first and kills your opportunity AGAIN? Urgh. Please tell me love doesn't suck. 

Memori Oktober

1 October - Met Ally for the first time since our KL outing in March. We had dinner at Pasar Malam KK with our mutual friend, Azril. He gave me Bruce Springsteen and tie dye tshirts as well as a pair of Clarks Wallabee shoes (which are regretfully a bit too small for me). I gave him Morrissey's latest album, Years of Refusal. *happy*

2 October - Ally added me back on Facebook.

7 October - Met Ally again only to return his office keys that were unintentionally left in the bag of Wallabee shoes that he gave me. He was busy helping his friend so he couldn't hang out with me. Zzz...

10 October - Had the delicious Sembulan mee pangsit for the first time with my best buddy, No Joke. To my surprise, Ally came to accompany Azril for a bowl of mee pangsit too. Nice coincidence. Was it? :P

11 October - Had my second mee pangsit with No Joke, Ally and Azril. Exchanged some views with Azril on how Nirvana fans SHOULD be fans of Pearl Jam and Soundgarden as well. An opinion which I don't agree with. I mean, why stereotype, right?

13 October - Went to Borneo Festigrunge 2012 with Ally (and No Joke)! We had fun alright! I didn't want the day to end.

14 October - It was time to say goodbye. I wore the Bruce Springsteen tshirt to the airport. I look forward to the time when we'll meet again. Someday. :-(

denial, denial

I don't wanna be your friend

I just wanna be your lover

No matter how it ends

No matter how it starts

Forget about your house of cards

And I'll do mine

Forget about your house of cards

And I'll do mine

Fall off the table

Get swept under

Denial, denial

The infrastructure will collapse

From voltage spikes

Throw your keys in the bowl

Kiss your husband "good night"

 

Forget about your house of cards

And I'll do mine

Forget about your house of cards

And I'll do mine

Fall off the table

And get swept under

Denial, denial

Denial, denial

Your ears are burning

Denial, denial

Your ears should be burning

Denial, denial   

a n x i e t y

You're the reason why I'm still up at 3am,
But you're nowhere to be seen,
And even when you see me, you still don't see me,
You're the object of my sorrow, my anxiousness,
But what do you know, you couldn't care less,
And it's not fair, because I didn't want to care,
And when I do, you always, always walk away,
I'm sick of this guessing game,
Oh boy, why won't you just be a man,
And take away my pain.

Random Thought of the Day

Senang jak, kalau betul2 mo menghapuskan "budaya penjajah" di Malaysia ni, kena mula dari diri sendiri la dulu. Caranya? Stop listening to songs in other languages but your own mother tongue, stop going to concerts, stop going to gigs, stop going to bars, stop going to clubs, stop using the F-word or any other swear word, stop reading any English or other languages reading material, stop watching movies that use English language and are not local, stop using Facebook and other social networking sites, STOP SMOKING, stop bashing other races and religions, stop being hypocrites, go live in your own little shell and act like colonisation never occurred in Malaysian history. By the way, I'm Dusun+Sungai+Kedayan (except Kedayan, I can't understand any because I grew up without having the opportunity to learn them), so I'm allowed to use English or Malay or bahasa rojak whenever, wherever and with whoever as I please.