Just a Short Note on a Sunday Morning

Assalammualaikum, good morning. I'm sorry I didn't blog yesterday. I was busy with the Google Analytics Course thingy after returning home from the wedding reception. There was nothing interesting to write about anyway. There is nothing interesting to write about. My life is just the same every, single, day. I don't need a reminder of it. It makes me not want to get up and do anything. I feel so numb right now. Like nothing is worth it. It's not that I'm not grateful. I am. But. There is always a but.

I'm sorry.

Of Love and Sorrow

I realised now that every time I open this blog and start writing, it means that something has saddened me. Yes, I realised now that I tend to write when I'm sad, which means that sadness inspires me more rather than happiness. It's easier to jot down my feelings when I'm sad. It kind of gives me an excuse to speak what is really going on in my head and in my heart. And I love that feeling. Apparently, I love feeling sad. Sadness stimulates my mind, it makes me more alert, attentive, watchful. It keeps me conscious, focused. It gives me time to reflect. It gives me life.

Why am I sad? Or rather, why does being in a relationship make me feel sad instead of joy? If I love being sad so much, why am I hearing this voice in my heart saying that this isn't right? This isn't what I want? Why is it constantly telling me to get out of this non-existent relationship? To make me happy? Now, isn't that ironic?

I am not the person I was 7 or 8 years ago. I can never be that person anymore. I mean, in terms of loving someone. I don't think I will ever be able to love someone the way I used to. The way I could in my previous relationship. I think, when I lost that relationship, I somehow lost that person I was. Of course I can never be her again. She was naive. Trusting. And foolish. I am not all that anymore. Maybe I am still a fool, but I am certainly not  naive. The problem is, it makes it hard for me to keep my faith in that thing we love to call love.

What is love? To tell the truth, I don't know. I honestly have no idea. I love AE, but actually I'm not sure if he's right for me. I know he loves me. I know he does. But there are so many things about him that disenchanted me. I'm sorry that I'm saying this, but it's true. I tried to accept him the way he is, I tried to turn a blind eye, I tried to tell myself that it's okay, no one's perfect, and it's not perfection that I am after, not at all. But I cannot lie to myself any longer. And it's not okay. It's not that he's not a kind person, he is. In fact, he is one of the kindest persons I've ever met. He cares about his family so much. And those are some of the qualities I am looking for in a partner. But I don't know why, it doesn't feel right. Something is missing somewhere and I can't quite explain it.

I've been treating him so poorly. I've been acting like a jerk. Not answering his phone calls, not texting him back, picking a fight. I feel like breaking up, but at the same time I don't want to. Because... Because it would break my heart... and it would make me sad... now, this is really ironic, isn't it? And I know I sound like a selfish prick. Only thinking of myself. But if I were to justify it, I am saving him from a broken heart too, am I not?

- Written on Saturday, November 12, 2016 -

F R A C T U R E

What happens when a fragile being collides with another fragile being?

They will smash into pieces.

Between Sense and Madness

True! - nervous - very, very dreadfully nervous I had been 

and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease 

had sharpened my senses - not destroyed - not dulled them. 

Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard 

all things in the heaven and the earth. I heard many 

things in hell. How then am I mad?

The Tell-Tale Heart

EDGAR ALLAN POE

We've been together for 8 months, give and take. And even after all the reassuring, the convincing, the consoling, I still let myself be betrayed by my insecurities every now and then. It's like a loaded gun, waiting, anticipating, for its trigger to be pulled. I don't know why is it so easy for me to keep losing my confidence. It seems I am unable to accept or believe that I can be loved, wholeheartedly, by a kind and honest man, like him. I always feel like I don't deserve his love or that he deserves someone who can love him better, someone who is superior to me in every way; attractiveness, talents, intelligence. I always feel threatened by his female friends. Be it his best friend, his Facebook friends, his colleagues, even his female celebrity crushes. Sometimes it makes me feel like I have an issue that needs to be addressed, that needs to be treated even? I don't know. I love him, yes, I do. But this constant feeling of uncertainty, of vacillation, is killing me. I noticed that it was almost always too easy for me to say things like "Maybe we should break up," or "Maybe this isn't right," just because of my jealousy, my resentment towards other women who are and were close to him. It's killing me. It's eating me up. Sometimes I cannot wait for him to be mine, sometimes I just cannot stand to be with him. Sometimes I just want to be left alone, but at the same time I cannot stand the thought of him not wanting to be with me anymore. Am I crazy? Am I mad?

Uncertainty

After so long, I finally feel like I have a purpose in my life. However, I'm not sure if it makes me happy. I am unhappy. I'm always crying. I'm always hurting. If love is so great, then why does it hurt so much? Something in me is like telling me that this is not right. That it should not go on. I don't know. I don't know what I'm looking for. And for the first time in my life after so long, I'm lost. Again.

Going the distance once again

Dear Pitty,

How are you old friend? Please forgive me for not writing to you for so long. The itch to write to you has been nagging me for quite some time, but I haven't really gotten (or to be exact, given) the chance to do so because I was so busy pretending to be busy. I don't know why I tend not to write about things when they are actually things going on in my life. Okay, let's just cut the crap and get down to the real reason I'm writing this letter to you.

Do you still remember the friend that I told you about? W? The friend whom I knew from my UPM years? The friend who called me at the wee hour of the morning and I refused to pick up? The friend who was married? Yes, that friend. I am in love with him now. Yes, Pitty! That friend whom once upon a time I avoided, whom I treated like s**t, whom I ignored at a time when he needed a friend the most. I am in love with him and he is in love with me.

Apparently, he was divorced since October 2013. He never told me until the time that we met in April this year. He didn't tell me because, obviously, he believed that I didn't care. Well, I don't blame him. I was an asshole. I totally deserved that. He was struggling with depression and I ignored him. What an ass I was. I can never be able to forgive myself for that. I'm so thankful to Allah that he is okay now. But I'm forever regretful that I wasn't part of those people who were there for him when he needed them the most. I can never change that. But he has forgiven me for what I did. He said what I did hurt him deeply, but he forgave me. I am so sorry for what I have done to him. If I was given the chance to turn back time, I would return to that exact moment in his life and just be that friend for him. That friend whom he could always count on, that friend who was always there for a shoulder to cry on. But I can never change the past. What I can definitely do is be that person that I want to be for him. For us. I will try my best to be there for him, to give him my back, to be there when he needs support, to love him, just as he would do for me.

I love him Pitty. I love him so much and I thought I could never love again. Who knew that this could happen to us? Who knew that we were meant to fall for each other? You know Pitty, I never saw this coming. None of us did, I believe. When he told me that he was no longer married, I had a smile in my heart, which was not very nice, I know, but that was how I felt. I smiled in my heart. If you want me to explain it Pitty, I can't. I don't know why I felt that way. And thankfully, he felt the same way. I don't know when was the exact time that all of this started, and how. It was all very spontaneous, so unplanned. And I love it that way. Now, we keep in touch every single day via WhatsApp and phone calls and Facebook. I'm going to see him again next month. 5th of September. And I'm planning to stay longer this time. I want to spend as much time as I can with him before I go back. I haven't even bought my flight ticket back home. I guess I'll always be that girl who'll always end up in a long-distance relationship, which sucks but at the same time feels so good, so right, that I won't let this slip away again.

I hope that you'll be happy for us, Pitty. I hope that this one lasts. Because I have a feeling that this is real. It's going to be hard for us to be together due to certain circumstances, I know. But I won't give up so easily. And I hope he would do the same for me. I love him Pitty. I truly do.

Sincerely yours,
Nurul

E M P T Y

I've been given chances
with fairly a number of Adam's sons,
but I blew it all off.
I guess I shut the door, locked it
and forgot where I dropped the key.
That room inside my heart
has been left vacant far too long,
it yearns for a company.
But I don't know where I lost the key,
I'm sorry.

Learn to Drive: Day 9

Yesterday was the 9th day of my driving class and I finally succeeded to do the hill!!! :D :D :D I was so happy I wanted to scream!!! Hahahaha. Buttt it was still a bit awkward and not so smooth yet. I'm so glad I did it at last! :D At 2 PM today I will have another session with Encik Sabri, the replacement instructor. It's gonna be my 10th hour, which is also my last hour. Why 10 hours not 8? Because I only had 2 hours of bengkel, so the person who handled the bengkel session, Saiful, said that we could claim the 2 hours balance for lessons. I'm not sure if I have to pay for extra classes though. I haven't started on the route yet. I'll see how it goes later.

Yesterday was also the day my Macik Inah got engaged. Alhamdulillah... :-) The event started at around 2 PM, so sebab tu aku sempat lagi pegi kelas memandu pagi tu hehehe. Her fiance is a widower with 5 kids, my soon-to-be step cousins. Haha. He is from Kuala Penyu but teaches at a school in KK. 2 of his kids are currently studying in UMS and UiTM, while the others are still in primary/secondary school I assume. Alhamdulillah, my Macik Inah finally found her soul mate. I hope Allah will bless their relationship until Jannah. I pray for her happiness and I hope everything will go smoothly as planned, amin...

Everybody has left. Pacik Salim and Fadhli left yesterday evening, followed by Macik Zainab, Farhan, Wani and Ira after maghrib. Pacik Nawi, Akmal, Aideel, Afiq and Adib left this morning, and mom and Ain followed suit slightly afterwards. It's just me, nenek, Macik Inah and Macik Tam again. Huh... The only thing I don't like here is that feeling of loneliness again. That melancholy feeling you get when people come, make your day, and then leave again. I don't like it. I guess I'm not really a loner after all. Well, yeah, okay, I'm a loner, but not by choice. I love being surrounded by people. But not strangers or even acquaintances whom I barely even talk to most of the time. I want to be around FAMILY and FRIENDS. People I'm familiar and comfortable with. Of course there are Macik Inah, Macik Tam and nenek here, but we pretty much mind our own businesses. I'm not saying that we don't get along or don't talk at all, not like that. But, yeah, y'know, I don't know how to explain it, but yeah, y'know. Sometimes I really, really wish that Fatin or Ain was here with me. Sometimes I wish that Suzie was unmarried so she would stay here (she used to teach at a local sekolah agama before she got married) and we could go out for lunch or dinner at Esplanade Sipitang or whatever. There's not much to do around here, but at least I'd have a company. A friend. Someone that I could share my thoughts or feelings with.  But... that is a selfish wish.

Don't get me wrong, I like it here. The house is so much more comfortable than ours back in KK. It's calm and peaceful. I won't hear any angry mom screaming at her kids or neighbours fighting over stupid things like TV or whatever here. But.... I love being at home too. I love being at home because my mom is there. I miss going to the market with her. I LOVE going to the market with her. We will have breakfast together and then we will go shopping for groceries. I will help her carry the bags. And sometimes I'll take her out for lunch or a movie. And sometimes we will go to the mosque for solat jemaah together. I love those moments. I can tell that my mom is so much happier when I'm at home. But my nenek needs someone to look after her too. Since I am working from home, I am the perfect candidate to be my nenek's "part-time nurse". She can't even tell which medicine that she should take or if she has taken them or not and my aunts aren't always around to do that for her. It's okay. At least, my time here won't be spent in vain. At least I have a purpose to be here. Purposes in fact. And I will always be thankful to Allah no matter what.

Entri Yg Sangat Bodoh Hinggakan Aku Tidak Tahu Mahu Tajukkan Apa

Aku tidak faham kenapa kadang-kadang orang sangat berkira untuk berkongsi maklumat yg sebenarnya bukanlah ada apa sangat pun. Aku lagi tidak faham kalau orang itu ialah orang yg aku panggil KAWAN. Soalan semudah, "Eh, 8 darab 8 berapa eh?", misalannya, pun adalah sangat susah bagi orang jenis ini untuk berkongsi jawapannya. Wahai kawan, kenapalah susah sangat bagi kau untuk kongsi maklumat macam gini punya simple dengan aku? Kalau kau yg bertanyakan soalan seperti itu sudah tentu aku akan terus menjawab soalan kau tanpa berfikir panjang atau cakap banyak. Ada apa dengan soalan aku itu? Apa yg kau rasa sensitif sangat dengan soalan mudah seperti itu? Kenapa perlu komplikasikan perkara yg mudah? Kenapa kau tidak jawab saja terus soalan itu sebagaimana aku selalu berbuat begitu untuk kau? Bukanlah aku tidak boleh cari tahu tentang maklumat yg aku perlukan itu dari sumber lain (BACA: Internet), tapi alangkah bagusnya kalau kau boleh saja berikan jawapan itu pada aku seperti seorang KAWAN. Because I didn't ask for the information I needed from an information counter in the first place, I asked YOU, someone I call a FRIEND, so why can't you just answer my question like one? Now I wish I had gone to the "information counter" instead of you so I will never have to feel this way, which is stupid.

Y

Y can't we just be like before?

Before all the shits happened?

Before we've grown so much apart?

Y can't we just find what was lost?

Y can't we just go back to what we were?

Y can't we just continue where we left off?

Y can't we just pick up what fell down?

Y can't we just start again?

Y can't we just press the "play" button after the "pause"?

Y am I hating the idea of us being together when that is all what I love?

I am so sick of asking myself questions, but the answers remained hidden.

So now I am asking you,

Y?

For a Friend...

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

So many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something everyday. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! My last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

— Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

One Art

BY ELIZABETH BISHOP

Sick of Sick Love. Sick of Love. Sick Love. Lovesick.

Been listening to Love Will Tear Us Apart over and over and over and over and over again today. It's actually the song that I listened to the most during the beginning of my acquaintance with Ally. That was like more than a year ago. Now I'm not so sure if I should ever mention his name on my blog again. Not sure if he feels the same way. I don't think so. And I don't wanna know anymore. Because it's gonna hurt me if the answer is NO.

On a funnier note, the drummer of Noisy Crush, a local grunge band from Tawau, Sabah, was playing cupid and tried to match me up with their guitarist. Seriously kid? He's 19 for the sake of God! Hahahaha. But I had a good laugh chatting with them especially Mr. Cupid himself who is 20 years old. Crazy lad. But I had a good laugh. Haha. Oh gosh I really envy their young age. I'm turning 30 in less than 3 years from now. I'm single. Not sure if I'm available. I have no prospect. What happens next? Am I gonna get married with a younger guy at the age of 32 just like Faezah? Or with one of my exes? (No, not Nasik please). Or with someone totally new? Or am I gonna stay a spinster for the rest of my life?

Smitten

He gave me a prank call last night. It feels like forever since I heard his laughter. Auwwwwwwwwwww cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......... I am totally SMITTEN.

Connecting the Dots

It's 3.30am and I'm still up. Can't believe that I spent Hari Raya Haji entirely alone. Gah. It was my own fault. Terlepas pandang tarikh Raya Haji. Zzz... Well, there's always a first time in everything right. It wasn't so bad after all. I guess I don't really mind having to spend time alone nowadays. I'm used to it. And the feeling of not having to rely on other people emotionally and physically, the feeling of enjoying my own company, is just great! I'm so happy that I've reached that phase in my life where I don't mind being a solitary soul, y'know, the phase where I don't even give a damn about my cellphone anymore, about whether or not I cross someone else's mind, about whether or not that person whom I'm having a huge huge huge crush on would text or call. Although, I must admit that I do check my phone occasionally in case he texted or called, but I don't really mind if he didn't. It used to make me feel so down, but I am no longer that girl.

Today, I read a stranger's blog. (Apa juga mo heran kan zaman sekarang ni strangers read about strangers. It happens everyday haha). But this particular stranger is no stranger to the guy whom I'm having the world's biggest crush on. It's crazy y'know, it's crazy how what she wrote years ago could make so much sense to me because it's exactly what's happening to me now, it's exactly the situation I'm in right now. I could relate so much. I don't know if I have anything in common with her, but one thing for sure, we felt (in my case, both felt and feel) the same way for the same guy. The only difference is the time frame. Whereas she was "long-term", I was "short-term". To be exact, I was "never-term" or you could also put it as "almost-term". He's the type of guy who girls fall for y'know, he's the type of guy who girls regret leaving, he's the type of guy who girls remember for the rest of their lives. I am one of those girls.

I found myself reading the old messages sent between me and him on Facebook after reading the stranger's blog. Some of them made me laugh, some of them made me cry. And my heart cringed at seeing his messages where he was telling me that he missed me, but I ignored it totally. Oh gosh, how cruel I was. Urgh, no, I was not cruel, I was stupid! "Nurul, IMY". :'( Now, how I wish I could turn back time to that particular moment and tell him that I missed him just as much, maybe more than he knew, maybe more than I knew. I miss having conversations with him. Conversations about life, about the country, about social issues, about music, about our favourite bands, about books, about our passions, about plans, about problems, about failures, about achievements, about dreams, and especially, about our feelings (towards each other). And I miss his over-the-phone serenades too. Yes, I miss him. I miss him! But I just don't have  the guts to tell him that. And plus, he just broke up with his girlfriend... (Actually, No Joke told me about this on the night after the gig but I didn't believe it until I saw what he wrote in his blog). It really took me by surprise, because I really thought they would end up getting married, y'know. And to be honest? It was the BEST news I've heard in months! I was like, "Yes yes yes yessss!!!!". But... I don't think he wants to jump into a new relationship right now. I wouldn't want that either... I mean, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy who just got out of a relationship, y'know. But... Screw that rule Nurul! Shouldn't he be an exception? I mean, you've waited so long. Do you really want to wait until someone else grabs him first and kills your opportunity AGAIN? Urgh. Please tell me love doesn't suck. 

Memori Oktober

1 October - Met Ally for the first time since our KL outing in March. We had dinner at Pasar Malam KK with our mutual friend, Azril. He gave me Bruce Springsteen and tie dye tshirts as well as a pair of Clarks Wallabee shoes (which are regretfully a bit too small for me). I gave him Morrissey's latest album, Years of Refusal. *happy*

2 October - Ally added me back on Facebook.

7 October - Met Ally again only to return his office keys that were unintentionally left in the bag of Wallabee shoes that he gave me. He was busy helping his friend so he couldn't hang out with me. Zzz...

10 October - Had the delicious Sembulan mee pangsit for the first time with my best buddy, No Joke. To my surprise, Ally came to accompany Azril for a bowl of mee pangsit too. Nice coincidence. Was it? :P

11 October - Had my second mee pangsit with No Joke, Ally and Azril. Exchanged some views with Azril on how Nirvana fans SHOULD be fans of Pearl Jam and Soundgarden as well. An opinion which I don't agree with. I mean, why stereotype, right?

13 October - Went to Borneo Festigrunge 2012 with Ally (and No Joke)! We had fun alright! I didn't want the day to end.

14 October - It was time to say goodbye. I wore the Bruce Springsteen tshirt to the airport. I look forward to the time when we'll meet again. Someday. :-(

a n x i e t y

You're the reason why I'm still up at 3am,
But you're nowhere to be seen,
And even when you see me, you still don't see me,
You're the object of my sorrow, my anxiousness,
But what do you know, you couldn't care less,
And it's not fair, because I didn't want to care,
And when I do, you always, always walk away,
I'm sick of this guessing game,
Oh boy, why won't you just be a man,
And take away my pain.

I Mean It

I know I am being mean,
But this is the only place where I am allowed to be this mean,
Where I can allow myself to be this mean,
Somehow, I am grateful for this hatred, this contempt, this loathing, this enmity,
As I need it,
Not to cover up my sadness, but to fight it.

And I mean it.

Maybe It's Too Late

Maybe I didn't treat you

Quite as good as I should have

Maybe I didn't love you

Quite as often as I could have

Little things I should have said and done

I just never took the time

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you

All those lonely, lonely times

And I guess I never told you

I'm so happy that you're mine

If I made you feel second best

Boy, I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind, sweet boy

You were always

Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died

Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied

Little things I should have said and done

I just never took the time

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

When Will I See You Again?

Alah. Ally bilang dia maybe nda dapat keluar hari ni. Maybe boleh, but nda boleh lama. Hmmm I haven't said my apology yet. Ndapalah... Ada FB... or email... or just SMS... Okay...

Fools (in love), let's get foolish!

Today, the 1^st of April 2011, I’m working at another Log Art Gallery shop in Fahrenheit 88. Apparently, my boss has things to do today so I need to replace him until 7.30pm. Nor, whom Auntie Joanne calls Old Nor (we have two Nors working with us. The Young Nor or Nor Kecik comes every Sunday to Coco Shop to replace Auntie Joanne), is on her day off today. Punya men boring sini… Teda customer langsung bah! Thank God I brought my laptop. Even though I don’t have broadband, at least I can watch movies and video clips and listen to music. Plus, I can do some writing thanks to Auntie Joanne for reminding me to bring my laptop haha. And yeah, I need to remind myself to read the MEdSI book I bought the other day. Harap2 dapat oh nanti tu DPLI. It’s my only hope to be able to work in KK (with a decent salary). Oh ya. Semalam I applied for another job at Wolters Kluwer. They’re looking for an Indexer. But it will be in Cyberjaya, not their KL office. Ndak pa lah… Try jak. Untung2 dapat, ok jugak.

Hmm suda la merepek. Mo cakap pasal Ally bulih? Hee… Umm… Things between me and him are getting better. He’s serenading me again. :) *hepi* tu hari dia call and sang for me for about 30 minutes. But aku natau satu pun lagu yg dia nyanyi. I think they’re his own. One song yg captured my attention was Talk to Me. I think that is the title la sebab he kept repeating the words “talk to me” over and over. Siuk… Cair bah cam si taik. Sayang ndak dapat concentrate to what he was singing because… because… time tu… Nasik, YES NASIK, was in front of me watching me with jealous eyes. Huh… Stupid oh aku… I went to see him hari tu last Wednesday. I know I shouldn’t. But… That was what happened. This is the “one more thing” that I have to write about. NASIK. I agreed to his invitation for dinner at Kg Baru. According to him, almost every night dia tunggu aku balik dari kerja di KLCC park tu. He said since I left, he realised that I am the only girl he ever really loved and that aku seja yg bulih kasi dia tu ‘feel’. He said kalau dia kluar with Cida, he doesn’t feel the feelings that I made him feel. He begged me to take him back. He said he wants to ask my hand in marriage and if I agree, dia mo tunang ngan aku dalam beberapa bulan nie. OMG he was out of his senses! Dia ndak ingat meh what he did to me??? Pi jumpa dia balik pun memang sudah a big mistake! Not only that, now he knows where I’m (still) staying and working. Phone no jak la memang aku namau kasi nie. Tapi… aku rasa dia ndak akan kacau aku suda pun pasnie… because… I already made clear to him that I have opened my heart for someone else. OMG. I just received a text message from Ally. Guess what he said? “Dun get me anymore.i don’t want u..”


(after at least 20 minutes)


OMG!!!!! It was an “April Fool” scam from him rupanyaaaaaaaa!!!!!! Jahat ohhhhhhh…!!!! Org menangis2 suda ni tadiii….. Shooooot!!! Kin panas punya budakkkkkkkkkkkkkk urrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh….. but actually… I’m so relieved that he was only joking. What a cruel joke. Jahat oh dia. Cuba kalau betul, it’s not so funny you know. But yeah, he did crack me up. Hahaha. Memang funny pun! Bagus jugak kan ada si Ally ni. I needed the joke. I’m dead bored here! Haha. He’s far away in KK, but he’s soooo close to me. :) auwwww…. I’m sooo smitten by him. Heee… Make me fall for him even more you know. Dang. He may be young, but he really knows how to make me FEEL! :D his playfulness, tu yg siuk tu. He’s adorable, cute, petite, charming. He’s smart. He’s sensitive. Romantic. He’s talented. He sings, he writes, he reads, he draws. OMG. He has EVERYTHING that can melt girls’ hearts. Dang. He really got me. HE GOT ME. God… Please make this lasts. Please, please, please let me get what I want this time. I don’t want this to end… But if You say so, what more in this world that I can do…? Manusia merancang, tapi Kau yg menentukan… Jadi aku redha apa2 pun yg akan terjadi pasnie… I’m just a human being. You are my creator. Aku terima semua yg Kau tentukan untuk aku… Eceh. Tiba2 pulak serius cam si taik. Cheesy tul si Nurul ni. Usah serius kok! Don’t worry, be happy! Just be happy Nurul! After all the tears that you cried, you deserve it! You deserve to be happy, you deserve to have a truthful and honest and kind and loving guy like AA. God… Once again, thank You for bringing him into my life. Thank You, thank You, thank You. Terus ndak jadi tulis pasal Nasik. Ahaha. Biarlah. Nanti2 seja. Don’t wanna spoil my mood. :) and oh btw, happy scamming people! (ceh macam la ada followers! hahaha)

The Scam

Him: Dun get me anymore.i don’t want u..

Me: What are u saying Ally…?

Him: Leave me.

Me: Why…?

Him: Plz I’m begging u.leave me.i have an0ther grl since last month.

Me: U fell in love with someone else..? If that is the reason, then ok.. I’ll go. Saya ndak pernah mo paksa pun. Saya ndak pernah expect apa2 pun. Saya tau jgk sudah from the very beginning, u n me will never be.

Him: Hehe.f0olish april!

Me: Oh. Itu la the girl that u jatuh cinta with? The girl that u mean di fb? “i have no control anymore… I love u” oh. Saya perasan jak la? I thought u were talking about me. I will never believe in love again after this. Thanx 4 everything.. It was really nice knowing u. I really mean it. Have a good life. I wish ur happiness. Take care. (still ndak perasan his msg)

Him: April f0ol!

Me: Omg u’re so cruel! How could u?? Org nangis suda ko tau ka! Nasib baik saya alone jaga kedai ni hari! Jahat ohhhh I hate youuuu

Him: Hahahahahaha

Me: U are so cruel!!

Him: Ahahaha.

Me: Jaga ko nanti!

Him: Ahaha.

Me: Jahat oh… Takpe takpe. Ade hari, ade bas.

Him: Ah!u lmbt!hiihi.huhu.

Me: Eeee ko ni jahat ohhh.. Suda saya ripot sama Kak Nam Lalat Hijau. Sikit lagi mo menangis2 call dia tadi. Humph.

Him: Ahaha.f0olish day!

Me: Ingatkan betul oh tadi… Jahat oh… *jelingan maut dendam kesumat sambil cakar dinding*

Him: Ahahaha.ampas kpala!ahaha

Me: Oooo suka la ko sana aaa.. Ketawa ko aaa.. Gembira la atas kesedihan org lain. Huh. Ndapa ndapa. Ada tu karma. Humph. Pi la sana! Saya tgh menaip journal harian ni. Huh. Kacau seja.

Hahaha. Yeah. What a foolish day. :P

P/S: Can't wait to buy The Strokes' latest album! Gaji cepat la kauuuu!!!