Feeling Nostalgic for Myspace

Sometimes, my blog feels like a time machine. The way it looks reminds me of how my Myspace profile used to be. And you know what? I love it. There's something comforting about that nostalgia. It takes me back to a time when the internet felt simpler yet so exciting.

I really miss Myspace. Back then, it wasn't just another social media platform. It was the place where we expressed who we were. It wasn't about chasing algorithms or counting likes, it was about creating your little corner of the internet. I'd spend hours in cyber cafes (or simply, CC), my headphones on, completely immersed in making my profile perfect.

The process was half the fun. I taught myself basic HTML and CSS just to tweak my profile's appearance. I'm not even sure I realised I was coding at the time. I just wanted my page to look cool. I'd adjust colours, change fonts, and painstakingly learned how to edit the size of my page exactly how I wanted it. There was a time when "smaller" pages were considered cooler. Anyone remember that? Looking back, it was chaotic and a little gaudy, but it was also very me.

And then there was the music. Oh, the music. Picking a song for your Myspace page was an event. You had to find the perfect track that captured your current mood or told the world who you were. From emo anthems to indie-rawk darlings, my playlist changed as often as my emotions. I remember the thrill of finding a new band and adding their song to my profile, waiting to see if anyone would notice and think, "Wow, she's cool." Lol.

I didn't just use Myspace, I lived it. I'd save my pocket money to spend at CCs. Back then, having internet access at home wasn't a given, so CCs became my sanctuary. At one point, I even sacrificed my food money just so that I could get my Myspace fix. Most of the time I'd go alone, but sometimes I'd drag a friend along so we could work on our profiles together. It was social, creative, and a little bit competitive. Whose profile looked the best? Who found the newest cool feature? Who "discovered" this cool new band first? 😄

Thinking about it now, Myspace taught us so much without us even realising it. We weren't just customising pages, we were learning how to express ourselves, connect with others, and even build digital skills that some of us would later use in our careers.

I miss those days. All those times spent at those CCs, the thrill of logging in and seeing new messages or friend requests. Social media now feels so polished and impersonal by comparison. Myspace was messy, creative, and wonderfully imperfect, just like the teenage versions of ourselves who used it.

And maybe that's why I love how my blog looks. It's a little homage to that time. It reminds me of who I was back then and how far I've come. Sure, I might be tempted to add a glittery cursor (anyone noticed my Daria cursor? 😜) or an auto-playing song someday. Who knows? Maybe I will (if it's possible).

Because honestly? A part of me will always be that kid in the cyber cafe, perfecting my Myspace page and feeling like the coolest person in the world.

How I Finally Got Rid of the Badges of Annoyance

Hey there, my non-existent readers! It's me, your introverted blogger, back to ramble about something that's been quietly driving me up the wall: app notification badges.

Image Source: CleverTap

I don't know about you, but there's something about those little red circles with numbers that make my inner grump cringe with irritation. I can't stand them. Every time I see one, I feel like my phone has turned into that person who won't stop nudging you, asking, "Did you see this yet? Did you respond? Did you?" And let's be real here, if my phone was an actual person, I might have considered telling it to take a step back and respect my personal space fuck off. 😅

Picture this: I'm tucked into my usual introvert haven, a book, a warm drink, maybe some music in the background. Everything is peaceful. Then, out of nowhere, my phone lights up with notifications. I try to ignore it, but there it is, glaring at me with its red badges, practically yelling, "Look at me! Look at me! I have important information you must consume immediately or risk the impending doom of FOMO!" Spoiler: it's never actually important.

And what's worse? It's not just one badge. Oh no, that would be too kind. They show up in groups, like they've planned a coordinated attack. E-mail, social media, news, weather, and even apps you didn't even know you had installed. It's as if your phone is conspiring to turn you into a notification junkie who's always craving that dopamine hit that comes from swiping those badges away. Because that's what I am. Whenever I see those annoying red badges, I can't help but clear them out.

I get that notifications are supposed to be helpful. They remind us of things and keep us connected. But does the world really end if I don't immediately know that juicy gossip on X, that someone liked my latest Facebook or Instagram post, or that there's a flash sale on that Skintific Mugwort Anti Pores & Acne Clay Stick (or Mask) I've been eyeing for months on TikTok? Spoiler again: it doesn't!

I miss when phones were simpler. They waited for you to use them, instead of demanding constant attention. Now, they feel like the clingiest friend you never asked for.

So, I decided to do something about it. I found a setting on my iPhone 7 Plus that lets you hide notification badges. It's buried in the "Home Screen" section of the settings. A few quick taps, and suddenly, all those pesky red circles were gone. My phone felt quieter, calmer, like it had finally learned some manners.

It's a small change, but it's made a big difference for me. Now, I can check my apps when I want to, not when my phone decides I should. It's a tiny victory in the never-ending battle against modern life's noise.

If you're tired of your phone yelling at you too, I highly recommend giving it a try. You might just find yourself breathing a little easier.

Data, Insights, and Exhaustion: A Work-From-Home Insights Analyst's Tale

What my work station used to look like

Today, I'm here to vent a little and share my current update as an Insights Analyst working from the cozy disheveled corners of my small office/home office. 😝 Don't get me wrong; I absolutely love my job and the flexibility it offers. But these past couple of weeks have been like a whirlwind of data, reports, and gruelling analysis sessions. I'm feeling the fatigue creeping in, and I know I'm not alone in this rollercoaster ride!

As an Insights Analyst, my days are all about diving deep into data, crunching numbers, and deciphering patterns to help our clients (or potential clients) make informed decisions. It's thrilling and intellectually stimulating, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges. And lately, those challenges have been coming at me like a meteor shower!

The days seem to blur into one another, and the lines between work and personal time have become so hazy, I sometimes forget what day it is. I wake up, and the first thing I see is my laptop, calling me to start my day. There's no physical commute to an office, but mentally, the commute never ends, and I find myself checking e-mails in bed before I even brush my teeth (oops).

The never-ending cycle of projects and deadlines keeps me on my toes. I love being challenged and having a sense of purpose in my work, but lately, I've been juggling multiple projects, and it feels like I'm trying to catch falling stars. Just when I think I've got a handle on things, more requests come flying in, and my to-do list grows longer than a giraffe's neck!

Let's talk about the glorious world of data. While it's fascinating to uncover insights that can drive business decisions, it's no secret that data can be a fickle beast. Cleaning and organising datasets can be a real chore, and when I finally get to the analysis part, my eyes start to feel like they're glued to the screen. I swear, I've developed a permanent squint from staring at those spreadsheets.

I'm grateful for my supportive team, though. We're all in this together, and having colleagues who understand the struggles of remote work and data analysis helps me stay sane. We share tips on how to make things easier or simpler, exchange jokes, and remind each other that we're doing an awesome job despite the challenges.

But you know what? Even amidst the exhaustion, there's a silver lining. Every time I crack a tough data puzzle or deliver insights that have a real impact, it's like an adrenaline rush. The satisfaction of helping my team keeps me going, even on the toughest days.

So, here's to all the fellow Insights Analysts and remote workers out there, we may be tired, but we're also resilient, adaptable, and oh-so-dedicated! Let's take a deep breath, stretch those fingers, and keep crunching those numbers. And when it all gets overwhelming, let's remember that it's okay to take a break, recharge, and come back stronger.

Till then, my data-savvy comrades, may your internet connections stay stable, your spreadsheets behave, and your insights shine brighter than a supernova! Cheers to making data-driven magic happen! 💪💪

Embracing (READ: Breaking Free From) My Overused "Random" Expression

Image Source: Redbubble

Hey there, my non-existent readers! For this entry, I want to talk about something that I've been increasingly aware of in my writing, and that is my incessant overuse of the word "random". If you've been following my blog for a while (I can pretend like I don't have any followers, but I do, and there are 12 of them, so this is me acknowledging their existence 👽), you might have noticed this trend, and I've decided it's time to confront it head-on. So, let's dive into my love-hate relationship with the word "random" and how I plan to break free from its grip!

When I first started this blog, using "random" seemed like a convenient way to describe anything unexpected or out of the ordinary. It was a versatile word that I could employ to add a touch of unpredictability to my anecdotes and narratives. Whether it was an impromptu trip to a new place or a quirky encounter with a stranger, "random" became my go-to adjective to capture those moments that defied the mundane.

But, as with any linguistic crutch, overusing the word "random" had its consequences. It started to feel like a filler word, a linguistic shortcut I leaned on without giving much thought. Upon re-reading my older posts, I couldn't help but cringe at the sheer number of times I had inserted "random" into my writing. It was becoming a cliche, diluting the impact of my storytelling and turning it into a repetitive and lacklustre experience.

Awareness was the first step towards change. Recognising my overuse of "random" allowed me to take a step back and understand why I was relying on it so much. Digging deeper, I realised that my desire to sound relatable and quirky might have fuelled this overuse. "Random" had become a security blanket, masking the vulnerability of embracing unique and authentic storytelling.

To break free from this cycle, I’m challenging myself to find alternative words and expressions that convey the same spirit of surprise and spontaneity. Instead of "random", I can start using "unexpected," "unforeseen," "serendipitous," or even "whimsical" to paint vivid pictures of the moments I want to share with you, my readers. These words can add depth and nuance to my writing, and breathe new life into my narratives.

Additionally, I learned the importance of context. While "random" might still have its place in casual conversations and informal writing, using it thoughtfully and sparingly in my blog posts was crucial to maintaining the impact of the word. Contextualising its usage made it feel more intentional, rather than a default descriptor.

Moreover, I believe that incorporating personal reflections and emotional connections into my storytelling will help minimise the urge to rely on cliches like "random". By delving into the emotions that these moments evoke in me, I can convey their significance more effectively and create a lasting impression on my readers, hopefully.

In conclusion, embracing my overuse of "random" has been a valuable journey in linguistic self-awareness. As a writer blogger, whom no one has ever heard of, it's essential to constantly challenge myself, acknowledge my linguistic crutches, and seek ways to improve my craft. Words hold immense power, and using them with intentionality can elevate our storytelling to new heights.

So, from now on, you can expect a fresher and more thoughtfully crafted writing style on this blog. Let's bid adieu to the overused "random" and welcome a more diverse and exciting range of adjectives into our literary arsenal.

Thanks for joining me on this reflective journey! Until next time!

Randomly Rambling

It's 10:33 pm on Saturday night, and here I am, just waking up from my slumber, feeling a bit sweaty. I fell asleep in front of the TV again. I was watching WHAT/ IF on Netflix. My husband isn't back from the mosque yet. I don't remember him telling me if he would be going to talaqqi after Isya'. That's actually his Thursday or Friday night routine. I checked my phone, no messages nor calls from him, but no worries, I'll just take this moment to jot down how my day went, or rather, how my husband and I spent it together.

So, this morning started way too early at 2 am. Yeah, 2 FRIGGING AM. After a quick bathroom trip, I fed my cats their kibbles (this is my little routine whenever I wake up in the middle of the night). Then I made my way upstairs to the guest room. I prefer sleeping (or doing just about anything) in this room now because it's the only one with AC, and the nights can get pretty hot (let alone in daytime). Anyway, I decided to scroll through Facebook and TikTok until around 3:30 am. Then, I thought to myself, "You know what, I'm going to join my husband for breakfast today." So off to the shower I went, because I had to leave the house with him at dawn (it's his daily routine to pick up my mom-in-law at her place in Sembulan after Subuh prayer and take her to the Kota Kinabalu market).

After that little task was done, we headed to the OldTown White Coffee Gaya Street outlet, the one we visited on Wednesday where I spent a half day doing my work, remember? I ordered half-boiled eggs on toasts again, but this time, I also had some noodles and a cup of hot white coffee. My husband went for the rice and chicken rendang, although he originally wanted fried chicken, which was unavailable. Odd. *shrugs* He also had the kaya+butter toasts, just like last time, and the drink that I had on Wednesday.

I don't know why I'm getting into the nitty-gritty details of my day, but hey, let's move on. After a satisfying breakfast, we made a trip to JPJ at UTC to pick up a physical road tax, even though I already got the digital version. My husband insisted on having a physical copy, so there we were. But guess what? Turns out, I have to claim it from the Bundusan headquarters (on Monday or any working day) because I purchased the digital road tax through MyEG instead of JPJ's website. Sigh, what a waste of time and energy. Oh well, these things happen, right? While at the JPJ UTC office, we ran into my uncle, Pacik Nawi! He was there to renew his road tax too. We had a little catch up and parted ways to continue with our respective errands of the day.

Next stop was Centrepoint, but since it was still pretty early at 9:30 am, most of the lights weren't even on yet.

We thought about catching a movie later, maybe Barbie, but my husband wasn't too keen on the idea. Since nothing else interesting was showing based on the Growball Cinemax website, we went straight ahead to do a little shopping for some chocolates and cookies for ourselves and also my bestie, No Joke. Poor thing, she injured both her legs after landing on her knees during netball training, so we decided to surprise her with the chocolates and cookies, and also her favourite McD cheeseburger. It's been ages since I last saw her. The last time we spent time together was during the brief visit she made to my place back in end-May. Life's been keeping her busy with netball and silat practices, and everything else in between.

I actually wanted to go see Barbie with her and Farah. But of course, that couldn’t happen due to the incident, which left No Joke bedridden, unable to walk normally. A little background story: Farah is in the same netball team as No Joke; Farah and I went to the same primary and secondary schools, but only became friends in Form 4; while No Joke and I first met in Form 1 and became besties since Form 2.

From left: Yours truly, Farah, No Joke 💗

I hope she has a swift recovery, insya-Allah. She mentioned taking a break from netball for at least a year, and while I felt a twinge of mixed emotions, I know it's essential for her well-being. I admit, I sometimes felt a bit left out since she and Farah got deeply involved in netball, playing in tournaments even in Brunei. She was supposed to play in a tournament in Kota Belud too. Too bad, that also couldn’t happen now. But hey, everything happens for a reason and there is definitely a hikmah behind all of this. Maybe this is a sign for her to take some time for herself. And she absolutely deserves the rest and care. She has been taking care of her family all this time, so it’s her turn now. This may make me sound a little selfish, but I hope we get to spend more time after this. I missed my best friend.

Speaking of which, my husband is back now. Turns out he did go to talaqqi and a kenduri afterward. All is well, I suppose.

Random Stuff Going On Inside My Head

Pejam celik, pejam celik, tiba-tiba mau habis suda bulan Julai tinggal berapa hari jak lagi. Haha. My last blog post was in January. I got too busy with work and kinda forgot about my daily blogging target. 😅 So many things had happened in between. And yes, I managed to complete the Google Data Analytics Course by the end of May, alhamdulillah. My husband and I had our 4th anniversary celebration on June 8 at Borneo Beach Villas and we continued staycationing at the Toojou hotel the following day. My workplace bestie Aina came to visit KK for a couple of days in mid-June. I (and actually my husband too hehe) took her on a tour of KK for a whole day on June 22. We were only able to take her to spots within KK coz she had a "curfew" so we couldn't go to places outside the town centre. My husband and I balik kampung and spent a couple of nights in Sipitang for the Raya Haji holiday. We went camping FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER in early July at Polumpung Melangkap View Camp Site for two nights. Ugh so many interesting activities!! And I hope we continue to do this at least once a month.

This week is going to be a busy week for me too until at least the end of month. Last week was the busiest week I've had since so long. That's alright I guess because the 1st two weeks of July, my workload was so light, like, I didn't have anything to submit on most days so I spent my free time reinstalling The Sims 4 on my laptop (and playing it of course 😅).

Anyways, I'm super glad that I didn't go to the Good Vibes Festival 2023. It turned out to be a disaster because of that one stupid band whose name I'm not even going to mention in here. I'm so glad I didn't purchase the tickets to the supposedly 3-day festival. By now everybody already knows what went down so there is no need for me to repeat the outrageous story here. It just makes me feel sick. Not in a disgusted way, but just tired. I long for the world where we can actually accept each others' differences, where no one feels entitled to shove their beliefs, their ideology down other people's throats.

It's very hypocritical of them for wanting us to accept their so-called progressive ideas, but at the same time refuse to accept the fact that not everyone thinks the way they do, not everyone wants to live the way they do. It's hypocrite of them for not wanting to be viewed as some kind of monster but that is how they look at us. EVIL EXTREMIST MONSTERS. Isn't that ironic? What happens to no prejudice, no judgment, no discrimination? Just like they don't want to be discriminated or judged for the lifestyle that they chose, for their sexual orientation, I also don't want to be discriminated for sticking to my faith, my religious beliefs. I just want PEACE.

Eh tibehhhh jak aku haha. Sekarang ni semua terbalik suda. Kita yg mau stick pada ajaran agama plak yg kena pandang serong. Dituduh kolot. Berlagak holier-than-thou. Dan macam-macam lagi la. And on a completely different note, what is up with Elon Musk planning on changing the name of Twitter to X? X?????? X???????? Ih suda la, tiba-tiba jak bertukar mood kan. 😑

Just a Short Note on a Sunday Morning

Assalammualaikum, good morning. I'm sorry I didn't blog yesterday. I was busy with the Google Analytics Course thingy after returning home from the wedding reception. There was nothing interesting to write about anyway. There is nothing interesting to write about. My life is just the same every, single, day. I don't need a reminder of it. It makes me not want to get up and do anything. I feel so numb right now. Like nothing is worth it. It's not that I'm not grateful. I am. But. There is always a but.

I'm sorry.

Of Love and Sorrow

I realised now that every time I open this blog and start writing, it means that something has saddened me. Yes, I realised now that I tend to write when I'm sad, which means that sadness inspires me more rather than happiness. It's easier to jot down my feelings when I'm sad. It kind of gives me an excuse to speak what is really going on in my head and in my heart. And I love that feeling. Apparently, I love feeling sad. Sadness stimulates my mind, it makes me more alert, attentive, watchful. It keeps me conscious, focused. It gives me time to reflect. It gives me life.

Why am I sad? Or rather, why does being in a relationship make me feel sad instead of joy? If I love being sad so much, why am I hearing this voice in my heart saying that this isn't right? This isn't what I want? Why is it constantly telling me to get out of this non-existent relationship? To make me happy? Now, isn't that ironic?

I am not the person I was 7 or 8 years ago. I can never be that person anymore. I mean, in terms of loving someone. I don't think I will ever be able to love someone the way I used to. The way I could in my previous relationship. I think, when I lost that relationship, I somehow lost that person I was. Of course I can never be her again. She was naive. Trusting. And foolish. I am not all that anymore. Maybe I am still a fool, but I am certainly not  naive. The problem is, it makes it hard for me to keep my faith in that thing we love to call love.

What is love? To tell the truth, I don't know. I honestly have no idea. I love AE, but actually I'm not sure if he's right for me. I know he loves me. I know he does. But there are so many things about him that disenchanted me. I'm sorry that I'm saying this, but it's true. I tried to accept him the way he is, I tried to turn a blind eye, I tried to tell myself that it's okay, no one's perfect, and it's not perfection that I am after, not at all. But I cannot lie to myself any longer. And it's not okay. It's not that he's not a kind person, he is. In fact, he is one of the kindest persons I've ever met. He cares about his family so much. And those are some of the qualities I am looking for in a partner. But I don't know why, it doesn't feel right. Something is missing somewhere and I can't quite explain it.

I've been treating him so poorly. I've been acting like a jerk. Not answering his phone calls, not texting him back, picking a fight. I feel like breaking up, but at the same time I don't want to. Because... Because it would break my heart... and it would make me sad... now, this is really ironic, isn't it? And I know I sound like a selfish prick. Only thinking of myself. But if I were to justify it, I am saving him from a broken heart too, am I not?

- Written on Saturday, November 12, 2016 -

F R A C T U R E

What happens when a fragile being collides with another fragile being?

They will smash into pieces.

Between Sense and Madness

True! - nervous - very, very dreadfully nervous I had been 

and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease 

had sharpened my senses - not destroyed - not dulled them. 

Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard 

all things in the heaven and the earth. I heard many 

things in hell. How then am I mad?

The Tell-Tale Heart

EDGAR ALLAN POE

We've been together for 8 months, give and take. And even after all the reassuring, the convincing, the consoling, I still let myself be betrayed by my insecurities every now and then. It's like a loaded gun, waiting, anticipating, for its trigger to be pulled. I don't know why is it so easy for me to keep losing my confidence. It seems I am unable to accept or believe that I can be loved, wholeheartedly, by a kind and honest man, like him. I always feel like I don't deserve his love or that he deserves someone who can love him better, someone who is superior to me in every way; attractiveness, talents, intelligence. I always feel threatened by his female friends. Be it his best friend, his Facebook friends, his colleagues, even his female celebrity crushes. Sometimes it makes me feel like I have an issue that needs to be addressed, that needs to be treated even? I don't know. I love him, yes, I do. But this constant feeling of uncertainty, of vacillation, is killing me. I noticed that it was almost always too easy for me to say things like "Maybe we should break up," or "Maybe this isn't right," just because of my jealousy, my resentment towards other women who are and were close to him. It's killing me. It's eating me up. Sometimes I cannot wait for him to be mine, sometimes I just cannot stand to be with him. Sometimes I just want to be left alone, but at the same time I cannot stand the thought of him not wanting to be with me anymore. Am I crazy? Am I mad?

Uncertainty

After so long, I finally feel like I have a purpose in my life. However, I'm not sure if it makes me happy. I am unhappy. I'm always crying. I'm always hurting. If love is so great, then why does it hurt so much? Something in me is like telling me that this is not right. That it should not go on. I don't know. I don't know what I'm looking for. And for the first time in my life after so long, I'm lost. Again.

Inner Conflicts

I have this tendency to say something that cuts people (maybe deeply, maybe not) and I'm sorry for being that way, I'm sorry that sometimes I don't laugh at your jokes, I'm sorry for being such a sensitive person that I can become insensitive. I don't like this situation. If I did or said something right, why do I feel like I'm the bad guy? I hate confrontations. I wouldn't say that to your face even if I wanted to. Maybe I am a hypocrite all along. Because I've never really felt that comfortable with being a so-called brutally honest person anyway. No, I'm not honest at all. If I really were an honest person I would've told that guy who is now happily married with his beautiful wife and is also a father to a cute baby boy that I was truly, deeply, madly in love with him in the first place. If I were really an honest person I would've admitted to myself that yes, it still hurts me to see that my ex is happy with his girlfriend and soon-to-be-wife, that it still affects me to see that they are having a better life than mine, that I'm still vulnerable to the old wound that he had caused me, and that I am honestly unhappy that I'm still single at the age of 30. I'm not an honest person and I am honestly sorry if I have made you think I am.

Thought of the Day

 

I'm not only anti-smoking, I'm also anti-pornography (or anything close to it). So please be mindful about sending me porn or porn-like content, even if it is meant as a joke, DON'T, save it for your own viewing and amusement. Clearly, you and I have a very different idea about what funny means. Thanks for your understanding.

Peace, love & respect!

Yours truly,
Nurul in Chains

Kes Kusut: Untangled

Dear Pitty,

Thursday marked exactly 3 weeks after the accident involving Napoleon Dynamite (haven't I told you yet that I named my car after one of my all-time favourite movies, Napoleon Dynamite?) and a white Viva, which his owner R named Botak. In that 3 weeks we have become, well, acquaintances, and so far we have gone out for a movie outing once, together with his friend B who was with him at the time of the incident as well as my girls Farah and No Joke. We are even planning to go out for karaoke this weekend. Or in the near future. Crazy huh?

I guess I (or should I say Napoleon?) was fortunate enough to have been hit by someone who's willing to take the responsibility, well, simply because he was responsible for the accident in the first place. Both I and R were lucky because the accident only caused minor damages to both of our cars. I felt sorry that he had to bear all the repairing costs though, but again, we were lucky because we managed to find a workshop that I believe charged cheaper than most other workshops around KK, thanks to R's other friend who recommended the place to us. Not only that the price was low, they were super fast and efficient too! The result was very satisfactory and I DID NOT expect it to be that neat and clean. Kudos to Uncle Lim! (he's a Chinese muallaf lagi ok!) I must say that I felt a little prejudiced about the workshop at first, because it looks like, ntahlah, I don't even know how to describe the place. Jalan berlopak-lopak, berlubang-lubang, it doesn't look like a decent workshop at all. I was like, "What is this place....? You've got to be kidding me." But I agreed to leave Napoleon in Uncle Lim's hands anyway, something I'm glad I did, because he sounded so confident and something in his voice and manner made me confident in him too. "Perkara kecil jak bah ni", he said. He seemed to have kept his word. Napoleon looks as if nothing had happened to him (at least the part where he was hit). R's car too. He sent his car a week after Napoleon was sent to the workshop though. It took less than 2 days to finish each car. Awesomeness! Syukur alhamdulillah... In the future, should anything like this occurs again, I would already know where to go. I'm even considering sending Napoleon back to the workshop, which is located in Taman Inanam Jaya, to fix the minor scratches on his front bumper and right passenger door. Next month, maybe? Tengok lah camana nanti Pitty.

Looking (as if) brand new! Woohoo!

Would you like to know about something that is more interesting, Pitty? R's friend, B, is apparently one of the well-known bloggers in Sabah. He is in fact the person behind the now inactive We Are Sabahan BloggerMania (WSB) community, which sadly I'm not part of due to my late involvement in the blogosphere. (It was too late for me to join because by the time I wanted to do so, the community is already, well, dead). The Facebook page of WSB, however, is still updated from time to time, based on my observation. And I, apparently, have been following his blog since I don't even know when. I only realized this fact the day after going out for the movie Left Behind, which sucked, with them on Monday night. How did I come to the realization? I think I'll save the deets to myself. I'm so sorry Pitty. That's one of the disadvantages about blogging. You cannot really tell EVERYTHING as there is always that issue with privacy and confidentiality. And I am just not the type who feels the need to attract unwanted attention to my blog or myself as a whole. I think that is also one of the reasons why I still prefer the old-fashioned diary writing as it allows unlimited ability to express, write or doodle without having to consider the feelings or concerns of the other party you are writing or doodling about. The only concern you have with a diary is if someone would find it. And read it. Ironic, isn't it?

I say it's interesting because... of all 911 of his followers, they "bumped into" Napoleon, which happens to be the car of yours truly. Is it fate? It must be. What for and why? I don't know. I cannot tell. It is... almost like a serendipity. It is a serendipity. But it's not love that we found. It's friendship, which I hope is going to last. I have said it many times before Pitty, and I'll say it again. I believe that things happen for a reason, which I may discover soon or years from now, if Allah wills it. There are more things actually Pitty, but I'm sorry again that I think I mustn't disclose to you here. All I can say is that it is very interesting how one event leads to another and what it eventually reveals to me. God really does work in mysterious ways. For now, I'm just happy that I gained new friends instead of foes. And that the "kes kusut" is now untangled. Alhamdulillah. :)

Until next time (Serendi)Pitty! :P

Sincerely yours,

Nurul

It's Just Another Random Rant Post

Sorang kawan aku pernah cakap, kebanyakan orang bertanya bukan sebab dorang betul2 kisah (care), tapi sebab sifat ingin tahu yg kadang2 aku rasa tidak kena tempat dan kadang2 lebih menjurus kepada sikap biadap. Dalam 10 orang yg baru aku jumpa, cuma satu orang atau TIADA yg akan tanya perihal nama aku. Dalam 10 orang yg baru aku jumpa, 9 orang atau SEMUA akan tanya tentang kerja, gaji, dan umur aku.

Bila orang tengok aku, kebanyakannya mesti ingat aku ni masih sekolah atau belajar. Dorang akan tanya, "Berapa umur kau?" dan bila aku kasi jawapannya, dorang akan cakap, "Eh, macam masih muda." atau "Eh, ya ka? Nda nampak oh." dan lepas tu dorang akan tanya pulak, "Suda kawin?" dan bila aku kasi jawapannya, dorang akan tanya, "Kenapa belum kawin? Mesti ko memilih ni kan?" atau "Ada boyfriend?" dan bila aku kasi jawapannya "Iya ka ni?" Bila aku kasi jawapannya, tanya lagi, "Ko kerja apa?", bila aku kasi jawapannya, dorang akan tanya "Bidang apa tu?", bila dikasi jawapannya, tanya lagi "Kerja di rumah? Online business kah?" Bila aku kasi jawapannya, "Ohh... jadi ko buat apa lah?" pastu tanya lagi "Berapa la gaji?" Dan bila dikasi jawapannya, tanya pulak "Gaji tetap ka? Bulan2 memang kena bayar?" dan bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. Dan dalam banyak2 soalan yg dorang tanya tu, macam aku cakap tadi, selalunya tiada pun yg akan bertanya "Siapa nama kau?"

Kenapa orang susah sangat mo tanya pasal nama kita? Benda tu nda penting kah? Kalau nda penting, kenapa kita dikasi nama? Kenapa ibu bapa kita mau penat2 fikir apa nama yg mau dikasi sama anak dorang? Kenapa kita mau penat2 fikir apa nama yg mau dikasi sama anak kita? Kenapa? Segan? Kekok? Janggal? Kalau itu jawapannya (BACA: alasannya), kenapa nda rasa segan, kekok dan janggal pula bila tanya pasal gaji orang lah, pasal status perkahwinan lah, kenapa masih belum ada boyfriend lah apa lah? KENAPA? Ndakah lebih elok dan sopan bila kita mulakan perbualan dengan bertanya nama dulu sebelum tanya benda2 yg lain? Nama panggilan pun cukup lah. Serius aku cakap, aku memang nda suka berbicara soal gaji dan kerja aku terutama sama orang2 yg baru aku jumpa (nama dia pun aku nda tau, tapi macam2 pulak dia tanya pasal aku). Kadang2 memang aku akan sampuk pertanyaan2 dorang tu dengan bertanya nama dorang. "Ratna", "Nas", "Syerina", dan beberapa orang lagi lah yg aku pun nda ingat namanya. Walaupun aku nda ingat, sekurang2nya, aku tanya. Dan banyak2 orang yg aku tanya nama dorang tu, tiada satu orang pun yg aku tanya pasal GAJI. Ada apa dengan gaji? Kenapa mesti orang mau tau? Aku memang nda akan tanya kecuali kalau aku mau apply kerja tu. Ada sekali tu, sorang cashier Giant, di sanalah orang mo bayar barang2 yg dibeli, sanalah juga tanya segala soalan pasal kerja DAN gaji aku. Bukan aku kenal pun! Serius, aku nda selesa dengan soalan2 macam tu dan aku memang terus akan label manusia spesis ini sebagai RUDE, INAPPROPRIATE dan INSENSITIVE.

Rasanya boleh la aku simpulkan apa yg kawan aku cakap tu memang betul. Most people ask questions not because they really care, but because they are curious. Iya. Memang. Semua cuma mau feed dorang punya curiosity atau ego jak. Ataupun mungkin dorang ni adalah pengidap "penyakit" inferiority/superiority complex. Bukan pasal betul2 mau ambil tau atau peduli pun. Iya. Sedih kan bila fikir? People don't care about people. They are curious, but they couldn't care less.

Nah, lain kali, bila ada orang tanya kamu, "Kenapa masih belum kawin?" kamu jawab jak, "Tanyalah Tuhan."

Randomly Ranting

It's 9.13 PM. I just finished another can of the Verve energy drink my Aunt Tipah brought. Maybe I shouldn't have. I'm at my granma's. I was home alone the whole day. My Aunt Inah and her husband arrived at Maghrib. My Aunt Tipah, Ucu and their kids have flown back to KL yesterday. I went back to Sipitang with my Aunt Tam after sending them to the airport. Finally, some peace and quiet in this house. I did write that I hate feeling lonely especially in this house before, but... I've had enough of my nuisance cousins. So, yeah, I'm glad they're gone. Fuh. I don't really have anything to write, but I feel like writing. I know I'd better use the time I have to continue translating E***a's thesis abstract, but..... I simply don't feel like doing that. She asked me to e-mail it back to her by the beginning of this week, but I dunno, I just don't feel the sense of urgency to do it. Actually, I have done the translation for the same abstract like I dunno, so long ago, and E***a mentioned it too. But she said she lost it and that there are some changes anyway. Urgh. Why did I agree to it? It's actually not much, just a few paragraphs, but I dunno, I guess I'm just lazy. Really? If I'm really lazy then why the heck am I doing what I am doing right now? Why am I not in bed? Maybe I'm just being a bad friend. Or maybe I'm just sick of having people expecting or wanting something from me. Whenever someone texts me it's because they want something from me. Money. Time. Energy. I didn't mean to "mengungkit", but I'm just a human being with limited resources even for myself. Is it a sin for me to feel sick and tired of it all?

To add to that, J*n recently assigned me another DARS task. So I have 2 DARSes and 1 WARS to write now. Both DARSes have the same deadline. Stupid, I know. But I agreed to it. I don't know why. B*********y people have always sucked at delegating tasks anyway. So perhaps, I'm used to it. So far, I'm doing pretty good. A*qa even told me that my writing is good and that they hope I could be promoted as a SMRA soon. How do I feel about it? Honestly, I think it's great! I'm fine with the writing tasks because it makes me feel like I could be counted on, dependable, able. It somehow boosts my confidence and whenever I produced a good report I felt good, satisfied. At least I know that my team is happy with what I'm doing. Plus, I'm sick of ticket clearing. A*na, however, was concerned if they're just taking advantage of me because I never said no. Whenever people ask for my help, I will always say yes. Most of the time, not because I really want to or like to do it, but  because nobody else could. I really need to learn how to say no. No, that doesn't sound right. I really need to practice saying NO once in a while. Yes, that sounds more accurate.

Do I sound like I'm contradicting myself? Or confused? I meant to rant and complain about my work and people, but it ended up very differently. Whatever. Now I better end this entry, finish my laundry and go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be another busy Monday (I will be fasting tomorrow. Puasa ganti) and Tuesday will be my JPJ retest. I really hope I'll pass this time. Insha Allah.

DO NOT PUSH MY BUTTONS!

Disclaimer: Google image labeled for reuse

I consider myself as someone who has a quite high level of consideration and patience, especially when it comes to dealing with people involved in my job. But like all other things in life, my patience is not limitless. I understand that it is an editor's obligation to be profoundly concern for accuracy and exactness, in short, FUSSY, but I hate to be treated like I'm some kind of a mentally challenged person, like I haven't the slightest idea of what I'm doing, like I'm that stupid. For instance, I hate it when my editor asks for information that wasn't there in the first place, like why this netizen said this or that, especially if it is a tweet. I write reports based on the information that is available to me. How should I know why or what made a netizen tweet what s/he tweeted if s/he did not mention it in his/her tweet? Did you expect me to go and interrogate the netizen about his/her tweet? C'mon man, I am a Social Media Analyst, not a Twitter police! For almost 3 years with this company, I've never had any problem working with other editors. I've always been able to understand their fussiness, their super thorough attention to details. Heck, I could still be "kind" to J** and pretend like nothing happened even after what he did. But this one particular person, oh gosh! I'm starting to feel like he's getting on my nerves on purpose, like he is purposely trying to push my button, my BEWARE, MIGHT EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE, PLEASE DO NOT PUSH button, even if he had no intention whatsoever of doing so. I'm just hoping that it won't get to the point where I no longer want to settle with just biting my tongue or choking on my suppressed anger just so I won't say things I will definitely regret later. I don't know how much longer I can keep up with this good girl facade, y'know. It's not like it never happened before. I lost my patience once, but thank goodness it was with someone who was no longer my colleague at that time. Ah, sudahlah. Why am I focusing my time and energy on something negative like this? I better go take a shower and eat some dinner. Kbye.

P.O.L.I.T.I.K.U.S

Sometimes I forgot that I have a blog. I mean, I still tend to use Facebook as a place to vent my frustration in human beings. I need to stop doing that. At least when I rant on my blog, I don't know who my audience is. So no one would mistake that my post/comment was directed at a specific person or a group of people. Y'know how it is on Facebook right? Some people have this stupid tendency to think that every status was shared with them on the poster's mind. *roll eyes* 

I decided to delete the status that I posted just now and share it here instead. Okay, I didn't actually delete it, but I changed the privacy setting so it's visible to well, only me. So, here goes.

Kenapa bila cakap pasal politik (tidak kisah mana2 parti pun), majoriti orang buat dalam keadaan marah2, mengamuk, meroyan, memaki hamun, mencarut, tuding-menuding jari, dan yg sewaktu dengannya? Pada yg muslim tu, mau tanya sikit, Nabi ajar camtu ka? Atas nama memperjuangkan Islam? Nda malukah kita mengaku umat Nabi Muhammad s.a.w dengan perangai camtu? Nda payahlah bergaduh2 berperang mulut sana. Ketawa jak Yahudi Zionis tengok. Sebab? They won, we lost. Kbye.

Note: I didn't post this status for likes/comments. I just had to get it out of my head.

I'm just so sick of people who claimed to be the so-called pejuang Islam, but at the same time express their opinion in anger and dirty words, which are against the teaching of Islam. See the irony??? When it comes to politics, I just wish that people could be more civil and level-headed. I believe that each and every one of us, regardless of race and religion, were taught that we should be courteous, tactful, and the most important of all, patient. Yes, we were taught about all that. So can't we just practice it already? Regardless of which political party that you side with? Please?

Nama saya Nurul, bukan Najwa

Makin lama aku makin bosan pulak bila orang asyik panggil aku "Najwa" disebabkan cara pemakaian tudung aku yg kononnya hampir sama dengan cara Najwa Latif, gadis genit bersuara agak merdu (bagi aku) yg terkenal dengan lagu "Cinta Muka Buku" dan "Kosong". Situasi ini bermula cuma sejak aku kembali ke Sabah. No one called me "Najwa" when I was in KL. Heck, no one even bothered about the way I wear my hijab. I still remember the day I came back to KK. Mom, Fatin and Ain took me to the Ramadhan bazaar at Asia City after picking me up from the airport. A man there, one of the hawkers, said to me "Hai Najwa!". I was like, zzzzz.... And then, it never stops. Wherever I go, people will call me Najwa. And sometimes even Yuna. *roll eyes* The funniest thing is, I didn't even know that Najwa's hijab style was similar to mine. Seriously, I couldn't even care less. Not that I have anything against her. I think she's a very talented singer/songwriter/guitar player.

Image Source: Gitar Kapok

So one day, I googled her because I could no longer hold my curiosity. And... Oklah, aku akui, memang ada persamaan. But contrary to popular belief, my hijab style is actually inspired by a young lady named Syireen Saari. Nope, not a celebrity. Just a regular Malaysian girl who blogs and shares her hijab tutorials on YouTube. Biasalah, masa mula-mula start pakai tudung dulu, itu jak lah kerja aku, usha-usha hijab tutorials di YouTube. And of all the tutorials available, I like her style the most. I realize that Syireen's style is also inspired by none other than Hana Tajima, but I prefer the former's YouTube tutorials because they are easier to follow. However, cara aku pakai tudung tidaklah 100% sama dengan Syireen. Aku buat cara yg aku rasa paling mudah dan selesa. Typical me, bila sudah selesa dengan something tu, mulalah malas mau belajar cara lain lagi. Especially, cara yg complicated tu. Memang ai malas lah ye. Hehe. Anyway, below are some of my favourite hijab tutorials by Syireen in case anyone who is reading this "rojak" post is interested. And remember folks, my name is Nurul, not Najwa! Good night!

 

Learn to Drive: Day 9

Yesterday was the 9th day of my driving class and I finally succeeded to do the hill!!! :D :D :D I was so happy I wanted to scream!!! Hahahaha. Buttt it was still a bit awkward and not so smooth yet. I'm so glad I did it at last! :D At 2 PM today I will have another session with Encik Sabri, the replacement instructor. It's gonna be my 10th hour, which is also my last hour. Why 10 hours not 8? Because I only had 2 hours of bengkel, so the person who handled the bengkel session, Saiful, said that we could claim the 2 hours balance for lessons. I'm not sure if I have to pay for extra classes though. I haven't started on the route yet. I'll see how it goes later.

Yesterday was also the day my Macik Inah got engaged. Alhamdulillah... :-) The event started at around 2 PM, so sebab tu aku sempat lagi pegi kelas memandu pagi tu hehehe. Her fiance is a widower with 5 kids, my soon-to-be step cousins. Haha. He is from Kuala Penyu but teaches at a school in KK. 2 of his kids are currently studying in UMS and UiTM, while the others are still in primary/secondary school I assume. Alhamdulillah, my Macik Inah finally found her soul mate. I hope Allah will bless their relationship until Jannah. I pray for her happiness and I hope everything will go smoothly as planned, amin...

Everybody has left. Pacik Salim and Fadhli left yesterday evening, followed by Macik Zainab, Farhan, Wani and Ira after maghrib. Pacik Nawi, Akmal, Aideel, Afiq and Adib left this morning, and mom and Ain followed suit slightly afterwards. It's just me, nenek, Macik Inah and Macik Tam again. Huh... The only thing I don't like here is that feeling of loneliness again. That melancholy feeling you get when people come, make your day, and then leave again. I don't like it. I guess I'm not really a loner after all. Well, yeah, okay, I'm a loner, but not by choice. I love being surrounded by people. But not strangers or even acquaintances whom I barely even talk to most of the time. I want to be around FAMILY and FRIENDS. People I'm familiar and comfortable with. Of course there are Macik Inah, Macik Tam and nenek here, but we pretty much mind our own businesses. I'm not saying that we don't get along or don't talk at all, not like that. But, yeah, y'know, I don't know how to explain it, but yeah, y'know. Sometimes I really, really wish that Fatin or Ain was here with me. Sometimes I wish that Suzie was unmarried so she would stay here (she used to teach at a local sekolah agama before she got married) and we could go out for lunch or dinner at Esplanade Sipitang or whatever. There's not much to do around here, but at least I'd have a company. A friend. Someone that I could share my thoughts or feelings with.  But... that is a selfish wish.

Don't get me wrong, I like it here. The house is so much more comfortable than ours back in KK. It's calm and peaceful. I won't hear any angry mom screaming at her kids or neighbours fighting over stupid things like TV or whatever here. But.... I love being at home too. I love being at home because my mom is there. I miss going to the market with her. I LOVE going to the market with her. We will have breakfast together and then we will go shopping for groceries. I will help her carry the bags. And sometimes I'll take her out for lunch or a movie. And sometimes we will go to the mosque for solat jemaah together. I love those moments. I can tell that my mom is so much happier when I'm at home. But my nenek needs someone to look after her too. Since I am working from home, I am the perfect candidate to be my nenek's "part-time nurse". She can't even tell which medicine that she should take or if she has taken them or not and my aunts aren't always around to do that for her. It's okay. At least, my time here won't be spent in vain. At least I have a purpose to be here. Purposes in fact. And I will always be thankful to Allah no matter what.