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Doa of the Day

Another Rare Productive Day :)

Dear Pitty,

Today has been a good day for me in terms of work. I finished all my work, ALL, which means including backlogs for 1-21 May 2013 as well as today's workload before 6pm. It really made me feel so good, and unless this, today is just another ordinary day of my very boring life. I don't really have anything to write about today, except that I'm happy with my productivity today. I hope that it will be a continuous thing and I don't want my TL to keep bringing up the same issue over and over again. I am sick of being labelled as non-productive (although sometimes it wasn't really my fault but I'm not saying that I'm 100% not guilty). I want to prove to everyone, especially my TL, that I am able to complete all my tasks as required. I had actually shown a major improvement back in February, but my productivity was hampered to some extent because they assigned the C i t i Daily Analytical Report Summary (D A R S) to me. (Luckily they handed it back over to the original writer last month, fuh~). The same thing happened many times before because I was a backup writer for my ex-colleague Jay. I don't mind having to do any extra work, in fact, I am VERY glad because it somehow shows that they have faith in me, that they think I am reliable. The thing is, I feel that I wasn't given enough credit for all the extra work that I've done or the help that I've given because it was never properly highlighted in the monthly evaluations. And in my defence, I was the only S M A in my team who had to write the D A R S, while the others only had to do their usual tasks and were always praised for their productivity and good enough performance. I wasn't even paid for the extra work I've done, let alone compensated for any additional annual leave (for the weekends that I worked on). So I really believe that they have done me injustice in "accusing" me of being non-productive. I did my best. I'm not really expecting for any reward (although the annual bonus would be nice), but at least give me some recognition or credit for the hard work I have done. I mean, c'mon, I pay for my own Internet connection, electricity bills, and I use my own machine. These are not provided or paid for by the company, so gimme a break people. Maybe I should ask for a salary raise. Do you notice that this blog entry has turned from I-had-a-really-productive-day post into yet another ranty one Pitty? Yeah, maybe I really should ask for a raise.

Yours,
Nurul

Quote of the Day

Life has knocked me down a few times,
 
It showed me things I never wanted to see,
 
I experienced sadness and failures,
 
But one thing for sure,
 
I always get up. 

 - Whisper of the Heart -

Doa of the Day

New Order

Dear Pitty, 

Today is exactly one week since I've started wearing hijab. You're shocked? It's okay, I expected that. But just so you know, this is not really shocking for me, because I have had the desire to change my image since (okay, be prepared to feel more shocked now) 3 years ago. May 7, 2013 is a really significant date for me because it was the day when I finally decided to cover not only my hair but also my whole body (meaning, you will see less of me in jeans now). Alhamdulillah, it was not too late for me. The day before that, I kept thinking of how am I going to adjust my new image with my old one. I still very much want to maintain my original sense of style (READ: band t-shirts + Converse sneakers) and at the same time covering my entire aurat. So, yeah, here is how I'm going to look like most of the time when I go out now.

First photo!

How do I look in that photo? It was taken on May 7. :)  I really need to shop for more appropriate clothes later, but I think it's enough for now. I already bought two new pashminas, three new shawls, three normal hijab for daily wear, in addition to the two shawls I previously bought to attend kursus kahwin back in 2011 and another one given by Faezah, as well as two new long skirts.

Here are more photos of me wearing hijab. :)

 

Shawl from Faezah! :D

Me with Siti at a Japanese restaurant (forgot the name) at Pavilion last Sunday

I am so happy with my new image. I never thought it would be so easy. On the first day, I did sneak out of the house to avoid my housemate (one of my housemates was home that day) because I didn't want anyone to make such a big fuss about it and though it took a lot of courage for me to go out like that, it got easier day after day. At that moment, I knew that I will never look back once I stepped out of the house wearing hijab, I knew that was it, y'know. I thought I would feel a little regret later, but surprisingly (in a pleasant way), I didn't. And I thank Allah s.w.t for finally opening my heart to make that change. Alhamdulillah, all praises be to Allah, Allahu Akbar. One of the best things about wearing hijab for me is that nobody will ever mistake me for a Chinese (READ: non-muslim) girl again. Now I will be recognised as a muslimah and no words can really describe how happy and glad and proud I am to be one, to be identified as one. I will do the best I can to be a better muslimah, a better servant to Allah. One of my biggest fears is to die without iman... And I hope and I pray that Allah will accept my repentance, my ibadah...

To tell you the truth Pitty, I have been secretly admiring those women who cover their aurat from head to toe. I'm talking about those women who wear tudung labuh, baju labuh, everything labuh. I admire these women. I envy these women. I cringe inside whenever I see them, but like I said, I admire them. I wondered, how strong and deep their iman must be. And how I would love to be one of them. There are still many things to be done for me to get there, to get to that level. Not only in terms of aurat, but EVERYTHING. I will do my best. Not only for me, but also my two younger sisters. And I know Allah will always be with me.

Yours,

Nurul

Si Penjual Pas Urbanscapes 2012

Sunday, 21 April, 2013

Dear Pitty,

Do you remember my post about Urbanscapes 2012 where I watched Sigur Ros live in the mud? Yeah okay, I bumped into the guy who sold the entrance passes to me and my two guy friends last Tuesday after having dinner with Siti and Ash at Jaya One. We just left Carrefour and were leaving Jaya One when I saw him! Instantly, I remembered him and amazingly, he remembered me! He said, "I know you..." Haha, and I said, "Yeah..." and he said "Kat mane ekk?" and I said "Sigur Ros!" Hahaha. Then he asked what was I doing there and I told him that I was having dinner with my friends. I wish I said, "I've been following you", just to see his reaction, but too bad I'm not so much of a flirt. Hahaha. Okay. That's not flirty Nurul, that's creepy. Thank God you didn't. He told me to come see his show one day. I couldn't really hear where, he said it twice but not clear enough for me (pekak badak). YES I WILL OF COURSE. I wonder what kind of show it is. Maybe he's in a band or maybe he acts. Next time lah, when I'm there again. I still have his phone number. When I go to Jaya One again I will have an "excuse" to text him hahahaha. Itu pun kalau dia masih guna nombor yg sama lah. Actually, I've had a mini crush on him (even before we bumped into each other that night), it's not my fault okay, he's cute! But I knew it would get nowhere, so the "infatuation" went away just like that. I didn't really think about it anyway, and I am certainly not now. I just think it is quite an interesting event of my dull life, so I blog about it. Why not? Another thing that I find really interesting about it is that we didn't even plan to go to Jaya One that night. And the outing was very impromptu. Ash actually intended to take us to Paradigm Mall, but she changed her mind at the last minute because she was worried that we might get lost after stopping by at Petronas for my Maghrib prayer (Ash already prayed before going out). And I certainly did not plan to go to Carrefour. The only reason we went to Carrefour was because Ash suggested it. I didn't need anything. I bought orange juice (straight face). And voila! Who knew I would bump into him! It was unexpected! The timing was just too perfect, don't you think? Hahaha. But... nah. He's too cute for me. Like, out-of-my-league-cute. I bet he has a girlfriend. Of course. Cute guys are always taken. Zzzz....

Yours,
Nurul

Hey Stranger!

What have I been up to lately? Nah... Nothing interesting except for Suzie's engagement and Fatin's birthday. I've been back from KK for almost 2 weeks now. If it wasn't for Fatin's birthday, which was on April 13, I would've stayed longer. I didn't cry at the airport like I always did because I know I will be back again soon. Sooner than I thought. Because... Suzie is suddenly getting married on May 31!!! If I knew I wouldn't have gone to her engagement ceremony because I will have to go back again for raya. Kalau harga tiket flight macam harga tiket bas ndapa jugak... Huh... Tengok la camana nanti. I hope the flight ticket price won't be so expensive. And it looks like I have to hold off my plan to go back to KK for good AGAIN. Fatin won't let me. And it looks like I am letting my plan(s) be "interfered" by other people AGAIN. Huh... When will I stop doing that to myself? When will I start doing something that I really want and ONLY for myself? First Nasik. Then Ezura. Then Faezah. Now Fatin??? I really need to learn to be less selfless.

The reason I'm blogging tonight is because I missed it. I really missed the feeling of pouring my heart out to one silly post just to remind myself how sucky my life is. I am a 28-year-old who has no prospects whatsoever, no car, no house (I mean my own real house), barely there savings, no love interest let alone a boyfriend. Pretty much the same as one year ago. In 12 months, I didn't make any improvement in my life. To be exact, I failed to make any improvement in my life. Not even ONE. I still don't have a driving licence, but I'm planning to take it up this May. It should be March according to my plans, but Suzie's engagement and all. Urgh. How could I let this happened? I'm tired of being goal-less y'know. Since my teenage years, I have never been a goal-oriented person. I mean, I do have some goals, but I've never made any real effort to achieve them. That's why I am still the same underachiever people knew a few years ago. Stagnant. Non-changing. I'm sick of living like this, ambitionless, lifeless. The only obvious difference in my life so far this year is the number of books that I've read, which is much much more than the previous year, which is good! And if this counts, I woke up in my hometown on my birthday this year. There was no birthday wish from Nasik, but the first person who did that this year was ALLY, compared to none last year. Yup, yup, that counts! Haha! Nurul, it's time for you to set goals in your life. It's time for a change. And you ARE going to start it with living a healthier life (READ: go jogging every morning, eat less rice, more vegetables and fruits with the hope to lose some kilograms!)

Good night!

Ava Adore: The Diary of a Pathetic, Pitiful, Not So Young Girl

Sunday morning, March 10, 2013

Dear Pitty,

      Suddenly I feel very very lonely. Right now I'm at a budget hotel in Ipoh. I came here yesterday with a friend for We Are the 90's: A Tribute to the 1990's Alternative Music Scene gig, which was well, to be brutally honest, disappointing. But I did enjoy it anyhow, since I am the type of person who enjoys "uninteresting" things. After all, there were a few bands that I think deserve commendation, such as Instake, Meatplow and Sonic Star Radio Jamm. I'm not saying that the other bands don't, kudos to them as well! But, watching them felt more like being in an audience of a jamming session rather than a gig where people actually pay to see them play.
     Today I'm going back to KL. Alone. Which was both expected and unexpected, whatever that means. Everyone just left me here. Nobody waited, let alone thought to take me out for a stroll in Ipoh. I feel so alone, unneeded, and worse, unimportant to the point that I called my ex-boyfriend, whom I don't want to have anything to do with anymore, TWICE. Even he didn't pick up. I was hoping, if not much, a little, that someone would take me out to Ipoh town today. But of course, nobody even thought of it, because I am a nobody. TO EVERYONE. I am the least important person in EVERYONE'S lives. I've never felt more alone. And for the first time in so many months, I actually care.

P/S: This is just me being a crybaby.

Yours,

Ava

Sunday afternoon, March 10, 2013

Dear Pitty,

     I'm having the worst Sunday of all worst Sundays that I've ever had in my entire life! Who would've thought, the least of all me, that I would be sitting at Coffee Bean in Jaya Jusco, Bercham, Ipoh waiting for the man that I despise the most in the world. I'm having a drink that the barista suggested and I'm not liking it. I tried to continue my reading of Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl but I fell asleep, which lasted for only about 5 minutes. Then here I am writing this in my personal notebook/monthly planner while listening to Coldplay's The Hardest Part, still waiting for HIM at 10 past 2 in the afternoon. I wonder what it's all about.

     Who would want to be alone in a city that is not one's own? I just wish that I wasn't here right now, but I am. Must there be a reason for this? If I had taken that 10.30am bus to KL this morning, I would have arrived around an hour ago. But here I am. Waiting and still waiting.

     This reminds me of the part in (500) Days of Summer, the part where Summer and Tom were sitting on a bench at Tom's favourite spot in the park, when Summer told Tom that things between them weren't meant to be, and that what happened between her and (now) her husband was. It was the part where Summer told Tom that he was right, that love exists, and that the only thing he wasn't right about was her.

Yours,

Ava

What does stupid mean? Oh, that's an easy one you idiot.

It is no surprise that the first person that came to my mind when I saw this was erm, my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend. Bahahahahahahahaha. Who's the first person that you think of when you see this?