Jobless, Loveless

Settled my DPLI application today… Felt like a student again just by sitting and waiting for a bus at the FBMK bus-stop, taking a ride on the UPM bus and going to the UPM post office. I miss my UPM years… I miss going to lectures, I miss doing assignments (REALLY? HAHAHA), I miss my faculty, my lecturers, my coursemates, everything about the days when I was studying in UPM, even though I was always broke. Haha broke? Even years after the graduation day pun I am still broke. Especially now when I’m out of job for almost 3 months already. Takut oh... Kenapa susah betul cari job this time…? Even shops di malls pun tiamau ni hire me…. :-( I know this is a test from God… but…. Sometimes I think it’s too much for me to handle… Luckily I have my friends to give me moral support… Terutama sekali Faezah… She helped me a lot in many ways… Slalu kasi aku dia punya words of wisdom tu. Comfort. Company. Understanding. Loyalty. She’s always there when I really need someone to talk to, someone to just be there and listen to all my whining, crying, complaining, cursing. Even masa hal Nasik dulu tu pun, she was the one yang aku turned to ni… and she was there. Bila ingat balik dulu, aku malu nie…. Masa dia going through the hardest times in her life, was I there for her…? =/ and what was my excuse? Kunun2 sebab time tu I wasn’t that close with her… Bulih accept ka tu alasan? Tidak, ya I know…

We shared so many stories today. From why I stopped writing diaries to memories of her late father… Pastue menangis-nangis kunun cam stupid... Hee… I’m so glad that we did. At least ringan skit beban perasaan yang I am feeling right now… Ceh. Poyo. Beban perasaan. Ahaha. Iya la ba. Akhir2 ni nangis jak kerja aku. Ndak habis2. Takut oh…. Bisuk mo kluar cari kerja nie…. Teruk suda oh aku rasa… Sampai camnie skali nie… Apa2 pun kena strong jugak nie… Sepa lagi kalau bukan diri sendiri to fend for myself kan? Haha. Ndak pa Nurul. This is part of growing up as an adult. Setiap orang dugaan dia tu lain2 kan? Kalau Tuhan tau ko cannot take it, Dia ndak akan give you the test in the very first place kan? Because Tuhan itu Maha adil. Don’t ever forget that Nurul. Iya… Bah suda la… It’s 2.45am already… Gotta go to sleep now… Good night… (how I wish I could still say “Good night Trent…” to him) *sighs*