To My Dearest Mohd Hashwan bin Ahmed Nashriq (bukan nama sebenar)

Not everything in this world has to go your way my dear, as the world does not revolve around you. No matter how bad and ugly the situations are, you just have to go through what life throws at you, including my blog. Trust me baby, it's not as bad as what you had put me through.

In the future, if you have one at all,
please don't go around breaking fucking with people's hearts if you don't want people to say or write bad things about you. Savvy?

Sincerely,
Your beloved Nurul
xoxo

I Mean It

I know I am being mean,
But this is the only place where I am allowed to be this mean,
Where I can allow myself to be this mean,
Somehow, I am grateful for this hatred, this contempt, this loathing, this enmity,
As I need it,
Not to cover up my sadness, but to fight it.

And I mean it.

A Note of Bitterness on Sunday Morning

It's Sunday and I am far from feeling lazy. I intended to clean the fridge yesterday but postponed it to today, but I find myself not able to do it because one of my housemates (the rest have gone out) is up watching TV in the hall. I feel embarrassed to do it in front of them as I am afraid they would be embarrassed by it. So... Most likely I will have to postpone it again? Urgh... Why do I have to blog about this when I have far more interesting things to blog about? For example, Faezah's wedding and... yeah, that's all. Lol.

It's been about two weeks since I last met Nasik. Maybe... that was the last time I will ever see him again. We had a fight and I'm sure none of us would want to see each other again. Reason? My blog. Hah! Apa lagi? Takut kantoi la tu!! He asked, no, he pleaded me not to mention his name ever again in my blog. Of course I got furious!!! It's my fuckin' blog OK!! I am entitled to write whatever I want in it. It's MY life I'm writing about, not HIS!! Takut bini dia terbaca la tu. Buduh. Dua2 palui! Sepa suruh teda kerja lain stalk orang seja. Bangang. Salah sendiri gatal mau baca blog aku apahal???? Bila aku tanya "Is this about that woman???" He said "Tak lah. Saya tak fikir pun pasal pempuan tu." And when I asked "Do you really love her?" he just shrugged. Hah! So I told him this, "The only thing you can do is stop reading my blog!! Or better, tell that bitch of yours to stop stalking me!!!" and I added "You deserve all the miseries in your life right now and I am thrilled to see you unhappy."

I felt... Powerful. Yes. Powerful. Unlike before, unlike the way I used to be when it comes to him. I am in control of myself, my life, and I am so thankful to Allah for that, for the strength that I am given. Yeah, it does still hurt when I think about it sometimes, but I don't cry the way I did before. I mean, it still brings tears to my eyes but not as bad as before. The most important thing is this, if not because of my blog, he will definitely continue wanting to see me. Poor, poor Shitda. Kalau bukan pasal takut kantoi, he will continue sneaking around behind your back, do you not know that Shitda??? Do you not realise that he has NEVER changed??? Kalau boleh aku mau sampai kau tinggalkan dia!! Padan muka dia!! But you are too stupid for that. You are so fuckin' stupid you are such a shame to the entire female population in this whole wide world!! And I'm glad it's not me who is stuck with him. It's YOU. It's fuckin' YOU Shitda!!! You both deserve each other because I, NHJ, deserve so much better than this!!! You don't have any self-respect and like I said, you are such a shame to the entire womanhood of planet Earth!! And I'm so glad I'm not you! If you, both of you, haven't realised it yet, THIS, yes MY BLOG, is my revenge! My sweet, finger lickin' revenge!

Well, that escalated quickly. Kbye.

Having Fun With My Pink Camera

Hey hey heyyyy I bought the cameraaaa :D :D :D

 

 

Honest and Unmerciful

Alrighttt... I think I can spare some time to blog now. Nasib baik lah Ria mintak the PH team help me with Acer backlogs. Kalau ndak, memang lah 24/7 aku buat kerja ni. Syukur... And today I am supposed to be at Joanne's farewell lunch, but I couldn't go as it was raining. You seriously think I would want to go through the rain for the farewell lunch? No way man. Plus, I wasn't really up for it in the first place anyway. So thank you Allah for making it rain this morning haha :D Faezah just left for Batu Pahat this early afternoon after having lunch with me. Her nikah and wedding ceremony will be held this Sunday, and I'll be going to Batu Pahat on Saturday evening with Ain and Liza. I really hope that my pay will be cleared by Saturday. I need to buy a camera and also Faezah's wedding gift. Lol. Hadiah tu teda problem but the cameraaaa.... Nasib baik I already know which camera to buy lah so what's left for me to do is just go to the Canon shop at Mid Valley and terus beli jak. Haha. This is how the desired camera looks like. :D

The model is Canon PowerShot A3300 IS, which according to Canon Malaysia's official website is priced at RM599, 16MP, with 5X optical zoom, and it offers fish-eye effect along with other effects, plus, it's available in the very colour that I love! <3 Ndak sabar mo pi beli my first camera everrrr hahahaha :D Aku bukannya pro ambik gambar pun. I just point and shoot, so ini pun kira ok la suda nie... Hehehe. Lagipun reviews pasal camera ni ok jugak... Lalalala :) Tu lah awal2 namau beli kan, baru tau. Skarang kena tunggu gaji bulan May masuk plak. Hahahaha. Lepas ni senang la mo blog, ada kamera sendiri sudah. Before this asyik pinjam Ezura punya jak. Hehehe.

It's been exactly 15 days after I moved (back) here in Serdang. I used to live here during my university years. So far, so good. Life's been better as I feel less lonely now. I know it's gonna change again soon once Faezah moves in with Baen. I know this sounds selfish, but I do hope that it's not gonna be too soon. Hee... Well, I think I already got used to being single. I don't moan anymore. I got over it somehow.

Although, the past few weeks had not been really good for me, because... urgh this is pathetic. Because Ally has a new girlfriend. I unfriended him last week I think, because I just couldn't stand it anymore. I don't hate him. Of course. I do still wanna be friends with him, but the reason I removed him was to avoid seeing posts about his new girlfriend. I forgot that now Facebook has the feature where we can just simply unclick the "Show in news feed" button. Duhhh... I didn't have to unfriend him, lol. I forgot okay. He might get the wrong impression though. He must think that I don't wanna be friends with him anymore, but... ntah2 dia ndak noticed pun. Haha. What a fool I was in thinking that he might still feel the same way for me. Luckily I've never said anything about my feelings to him. It would've been the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me if I did.

Nasik plak... Well, I think we are what people call "frienemies"? We still see each other occasionally, especially when I need his help with something. I even asked him to go to What-Ever Suits-You! Vol. 4 with me. Lol. What happened to Miss-Independent-who-goes-to-gigs/concerts/events-alone Nurul? Pfft. Ah peduli la bah. Orang mo cakap apa, cakaplah. Asalkan aku tau mana limit dia. Hari tu masa gig di Ipoh tu, I enjoyed myself more than when I was in Mentakab. Yeah... I have to admit that it was because Nasik was there. Although he wasn't really beside me the whole time, but I felt less self-conscious, I felt more confident, more comfortable, allowing me to enjoy the gig more just like how I used to feel at other gigs before. Pathetic right? But I didn't care because I really wanted to go. Konsert The Cranberries sanggup pulak aku pegi dgn orang yg aku ndak berapa kenal. Lol. You ARE funny Nurul. I guess I'm just seeking for fun, that's all. Kalau bukan dia, mana ada lagi orang yg mau bawa aku jalan2 pi sana sini, pi tengok wayang larut malam, temankan aku pi events camtue. He's so close with me, and I'm really comfortable around him. I can be myself. There's no need to pretend. Too bad. Too bad he's a fuckin' cheater. And I do feel sorry for Shitda, because well, as predicted, he will NEVER change. Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Sikit Lagi Femes

Hah! It's been slightly more than a month now since I last blogged. So many things happened and are happening. It's probably gonna need a few days for me to do a recap of things that happened in my life within the past 30 days. Faezah is getting married (THIS WEEKEND), Siti quit B*********y and rejoined Esmerk, I moved back to Serdang, Ally got a new girlfriend, and bla bla bla bla bla. I'll break it down in probably a few posts. And not forgetting, I also need to write about the gig that I went to earlier this month, which was "Smells Like Girls Spirit". :)

OK, all that has to wait as I wanna write about what happened today first. Well, it was another ordinary day for me. Buat kerja macam biasa n bla bla bla. I'm still waiting for my Spongebob bedsheet that was supposed to have arrived last Friday. Urgh... Some technical mistake (by the sender) occurred and I need to wait until this Friday for it to be redelivered to me. Nasib baik PosLaju agreed to resend it to me (for the third time!) at a different address (my house address) instead of Faezah's office. Huh...

A very embarrassing thing happened today too. I found out that my stupid blog had been "discovered" by the GGB people. Arrggghhhh malunyaaaa..... This blog is not really meant to have an audience as I am only writing for myself. They read my "KAMI MAHUKAN GRUNGE, Jangan Tipu Kami!!!" post. It's so embarrassing as it is so simple and stupid and lacking depth and I didn't even give credits to the bands involved appropriately. Like I said, I write for myself, for my own record. But... to some extent, I have expected this anyway. It was just a matter of time until they "caught" me. Well, I'm not really a blogger or critic or some kind of music journalist or whatever, so it doesn't really matter. What I think or say is not really important as I am a nobody. I'm just a random girl who comes to gigs that nobody really knows about. A wallflower, a misfit, an outsider, the "enemy". I write what I see, what I hear, what I feel.

This is the only platform that I have where I don't need to consider other people's feelings as this is my space. My personal ranting space. I don't need to apologise. People are welcome to read what I write in it, however, they must realise that they have no right to whatever the shit that I write about. Like Lester Bangs said to William Miller in Almost Famous, "You should build your reputation on being honest and unmerciful." Honest and unmerciful. Yeah. And like Faezah said to me, "I hope you can retain the same boldness and originality in your blog writing after this." Hell yeah, I will.

Apparently and Pathetically

Apparently and pathetically, your precious boyfriend enjoys spending time with me more than with you. It makes we wonder, are you that boring? *smirks*

Dilemma

OR

 

??????????

And I

I had breakfast with him today. Kbai.

Things I Do on Saturdays

This morning, I went jogging with Siti again at Taman Jaya. Berapa minggu sudah ndak jogging. Sepatutnya yesterday morning pun pegi. But both of us woke up later than planned, so nda la jadi pegi. Hopefully tomorrow boleh pegi jogging jugak. Hee... Lepas jogging macam biasalah, we had breakfast at mamak Amcorp Mall. Suddenly terasa mau makan tosai plak, so I ordered tosai n Siti ordered her favourite roti pisang. :) Selalunya after breakfast we'll go tengok2 kat Joe's MAC, but today we didn't. Instead, we bought some CDs for ourselves. Well, Siti said she'll give the ABBA Musical CD to a friend after ripping it. Hehe. As for me, I bought Stray Cats Greatest Hits and The Smashing Pumpkins' Adore CDs. (I am ashamed to say that this was the first time I have ever bought a Smashing Pumpkins CD. How can I call myself a fan? Well, I bought a concert DVD of them last year. Pirated. Lol). For RM20 per CD, it was a STEAL!!! The Smashing Pumpkins tu memang lah masih ada jual di mana2 kedai CD like Rock Corner, Speedy or Victoria Music Centre. Tapi untuk RM20??? MUSTAHIL.  Hahahahahahaha memang best! Mo cari lagi la nanti CD!! :D  O ya. I also bought The Beatles buttons tadi. Happy <3 Ah. I'm gonna miss Amcorp Mall. I'm gonna miss the cheap books, the vintage treasures, the friendly people, the cool cheap stuff they offer, I'm even gonna miss jogging at Taman Jaya. Nevermind lah, anytime I feel like going to Amcorp Mall again, I'll let Siti know. Siti pun suda cakap kalau ada apa2, tidur di rumah dia pun ndapa. Yay! :)

Sebenarnya, kalau ikutkan hati, malas aku mo pindah pi Serdang tu. Bukan apalah, transportation bah susah. Kalau sini kan dekat ngan Mid Valley, dekat ngan Amcorp Mall, senang mo pi KLCC, senang mo pi mana2. Aku lagi kan suka tengok movie saturang. Pastue, kalau aku mo pi gigs camana? Other events? Huh... Ndakan mo harapkan Faezah pick up aku di KTM Serdang every time kan? Sigh... Ndapalah... Bukannya aku nda pernah tinggal di Serdang tu. Nda juga aku mati. I'm gonna get used to it again. Lagipun, I am hoping that I won't have to stay there long anyway. My plan to go back to KK for good is still ON. It's just a matter of time. When the time is right, I'm gonna pack all my things and... sayonara KL, sayonara everyone... Sad, but at the same time happy too. Orang yg rapat dgn aku semua tau yg aku memang berniat mo balik KK pun. Tiket balik KL after raya pun aku belum beli. Ada juga niat sebenarnya untuk balik KK terus jak. Haha. Well, tengok lah nanti camana. Or maybe I should wait until Faezah moves in with Baen? Like I said, I'll see how it goes. When the time is right. Yeah, when the time is right.

Chicago vinyl record tu was a gift from Ally :-)

Last Saturday, time camnie I was in Penang with Faezah and Ain, getting ready to go out again with Faezah's fiance, Baen. Hehe. It was a very simple visit to Penang, but we had fun! We arrived in Butterworth on Saturday at around 7am, and Baen picked us up at the train station then took us for breakfast at the "otherside". :P Kami naik ferry yayyyy!!! :D It was my second time riding on a ferry in Penang. My first time was with Rizal a long long time ago. Ah. Cerita lama. Haha. We had "nasi lemak hospital" (locals call it nasi lemak hospital as the place is just next to a hospital hahaha). It was really funny to see patients (who are not supposed to eat outside food) eating there. Lawak lah. Ada yg naik wheelchair lagi. Haha. I was wondering, is hospital food really that bad? Lol. According to Faezah, yes it is THAT BAD. Hee... After filling in our empty stomachs, we went to Bukit Bendera. :D It was also my second time. Haha. Penat tapi ndapalah, boleh bakar kalori yg baru ditambah. Hahaha. Konon mo naik the Canopy Walk, but it was closed. We walked and walked and walked and walked until we reached the Monkey Cup Garden, tapi niat untuk masuk terbantut bila tengok kena bayar lagi RM10. Cis. Ingatkan free. Penat2 jak jalan kaki jauh2. Hahaha. Pastue we walked back ke tempat naik tren tu n turun balik pi bawah. After that, Baen took us to check in to our hotel, which is called Broadway Budget Hotel. Me, Faezah and Ain stayed at the family-sized room, which has two queen-sized beds, a bathroom, an air conditioner, a fan, dressing table and cupboard. Sepatutnya kami duduk di bilik double (RM70), but since they were out of room, the hotel owner upgraded our room to the family-sized one with only RM10 surcharge. So instead of RM100++, we paid RM80 only for the room. Thanks to Baen for making the advanced reservation for us! Yay! :D Baen stayed at a room just two steps in front of ours.

Lepas rehat2, mandi, n solat asar, we went out again for our (late) lunch at Taman Kota Lama. All of us (except Ain) had mee sotong goreng and coconut shake (which apparently is coconut juice float). Ain had nasi putih + tomyam (with the kelapa shake as well). After that we went to Batu Feringgi, singgah kejap jak la, pastue balik hotel n went out again after maghrib for dinner in Bayan Lepas. As I was actually still full at the time, I just ordered sotong goreng tepung, while Baen ordered satay for all of us and bihun sup for himself. Ain pulak ordered kentang goreng, while Faezah ordered nothing. Dia merajuk sebab sebenarnya dia mo makan ikan bakar with nasik, but kedai makan yg Baen mo bawa kami pegi tu tutup la plak. Hehehe. Sebenarnya mo join dorang Ben Joe, Sam n Chin lepak di Padang Kota after the Grungezilla Penang Tour gig (I didn't go as I thought it was gonna be held on Sunday), but terlambat. At the time we left Bayan Lepas to get back to our hotel, they were already leaving for Kulim as well. Sigh. Melepas jumpa jejaka2 hensem tersebut. Hahahaha. Ndapalah. Next time! :D

 

Nasi Lemak Hospital + Milo Ais

Mee Sotong Goreng + Coconut Shake

Besoknya tu, we checked out at around 11am, and went to the Penang Butterfly Farm after lunch. Selepas puas bermain-main dengan kupu-kupu, kami menyambung perjalanan ke Sg Dua untuk memakan mee udang. :D Sebelum ke Sg Dua tu, Baen took us to Carrefour, Seberang Jaya as Faezah wanted to buy some jeruk. Aku tertidur sebenarnya dalam kereta tu. Sedar2 jak, tengok tempat cam familiarrrr jak. Patutlah. Sebab sudah sampai di Seberang Prai. Rizal's place! We actually lalu lagi Taman Sembilang, Seberang Jaya tu. His neighbourhood!! Urghhh talking about deja vu! Hahaha. Luckily nda terjumpa Rizal lah. Malu jugak sebenarnya. Hahaha. It will be realllllyyy awkward if we did bump into each other! Malas mo crita banyak, after having our mee udang, Baen bawa kami ke Sungai Petani, Kedah plak hahaha. First time tengok budak2 balik dari sekolah on a Sunday! Ya, terculture shock sekejap sana. Hahaha. Baru aku ingat yg Kedah pun salah satu dari tiga negeri di Malaysia yg mengamalkan Ahad sebagai hari yg pertama dalam seminggu. Hee... Singgah sana untuk beli kain jak. Faezah n Baen bought their kain untuk baju majlis kahwin sebelah Baen. Habis membeli-belah, Baen sent us back to the Butterworth train station and our Penang trip officially ended at 11pm on April 15, 2012. Hehehehe. Sekian itu jak lah cerita perjalanan kami ke Pulau Mutiara minggu lepas. I know I am a baddddddd storyteller. Coretan ni pun only for my remembrance, that's all. Haha.